Anybody still out there??!!!
I went to back to my neurologist on Monday and he wants to up my Mirapex dosage to see if it doesn't help this brain fog and stuff a bit more. I'm also having a great deal of trouble with my right side and right shoulder. Everything on that side has just become so stiff that I am having trouble functioning with some things. I have a lot of difficulty washing my hair, getting dressed etc. because I can't raise my right arm very much. So, went back yesterday and had an MRI and X-rays just to rule out an injury. I don't think it's any kind of injury because when it started I felt so bad I generally didn't do crap around here. Hard to injure yourself laying on the couch.
So, I am really still struggling with many things. A lot of it is emotional. Parkinson's is a very, very difficult diagnosis to accept. It's especially hard when you feel so alone. It's a scary disease and no one wants to hear about it or talk abut it. If they even believe you have it to begin with. You want to tell people what's going on with you; why you're so slow, why you're hurting so much, why you are having trouble talking...but then, you figure maybe it's best to keep your mouth shut because you know they are judging you the whole time if you don't act like that person on TV that has Parkinson's acts. Frustration is rampant. I feel like I'm stuck in Groundhog Day. Except every day I have to get up, do my exercises, run until I just can't anymore, just to get my brain to pump out enough dopamine to get my head clear enough to understand what I'm doing for the day and maybe have enough energy to do it. Then I go to bed exhausted and it all resets itself during my sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. Over and over.
And it's only me to cheer myself on, to pat myself on the back when I do pretty good for the day, when I fight back and don't just totally succumb to the whole shittiness of this condition. I post a few photos on Facebook so that 2 or 3 people can tell me I'm doing okay. That maybe I'm not falling so far behind that I'll never catch up. But it actually helps. A kind word goes a long way, even if it's not in real time. You take what you can get, ya know?
I will improve. I will get better. I will finish my house and I will have a happy, productive life. There's a season for everything I guess....as the ol' saying goes.