Thursday, May 31, 2018

She's Alright


And the girls are all alright also...Sorry to have dropped off the face of the earth, somewhat.  I never really think that anybody notices but enough of y'all emailed to give me a little kick in the butt, so I thought I'd drop a little update.  Mostly I am doing fine.  During all the bullshit of the past several months I fell off on my exercising and that has been the worst thing.  It's been kinda scary to see just how stiff my legs and lungs have gotten in that short time, now that I am trying to get back into the exercise groove.  I go to see my neurologist next week and we are going to have a serious talk about pain and stiffness.  I am still having a lot of trouble with that.

Mainly I have just been kinda reclusive.  I'm not sure if it's the disease or just being completely confounded and fed up with the bullshit reactions of some folks.  It's bad enough to have to come to grips with having something like this and then to have people say you are faking it, or...oh, it's not that bad...I wouldn't worry about it...blah, blah.  I don't even know if it's hatefulness?, cluelessness?....just dumb?...it's mind-boggling.  Then the folks that think they are going to take advantage of you if you're sick...oh, you're too sick to notice what they're doing behind your back and all that. People supposed to be friends that are stealing from you. 
I tell you one thing; living in peace, without having to worry, or find out constantly, what is being done or said about you behind your back, is the greatest treasure on earth.  No amount of money is worth sacrificing that peace.  I don't care how hard things may get for me, I can live in peace and I am enjoying the hell out of it.
One thing I want to do, is to devote the rest of my life to educating folks (those that can be educated) to the realities of "invisible illnesses".  I have been just absolutely floored with the amount of ignorance and prejudice thrown at folks who are struggling with everything they have against serious diseases but because most people think "they look fine" that they must be lying or faking or whatever.  And I think, why the hell would anyone lie about having something like this??  Oh yeah, let me make all this up so I can be called all kinds of ugly names, lose my job and half my friends run off.  Yeah boy, I can see the advantage to that.  What the bloody hell???

So, yeah, I still have a bit of anger about things.  And unfortunately, writing here often brings it out. So that's one reason I guess I have put off posting anything.  And I have not yet started another blog. But I assure you, my reasons for starting another blog are still there and legit and it will happen.  And I'm still watching my photos and the person who stole them and if I EVER see them used publicly without my permission there will be some hell to pay.
I also have trouble typing a lot of days and that is very frustrating.  Some days are not so bad but some days I spend so much time correcting mistakes that it's not much worth it.

At any rate, I am doing fine overall.  I have bad days and I have some pretty good days.  Every day I am in considerable pain but I keep going.  All my critters are doing well and all are fed.  I would go without before any of my girls would, but we are all doing fine in that regard.  In fact, I've had a huge glut of eggs and been trying like crazy to sell them all.  Thankfully, with the heat, the girls are slowing down a little with their laying.
I am getting by fine.  I'm not having to live off a credit card, despite what some would probably like to believe.  I'm not "destitute" as my poor old crazy neighbor says, or bedridden as he told my other neighbor the other day.  I have only planted about half the garden this year but I've been using a lot of it as pasture for the chickens, since they have to stay fenced up a bit more these days. I do make money from various jobs (partly my art) but I am not going into that for various reasons.  It is legit work though! lol!  I have planted tomatoes, lettuce, green beans, cukes, radishes, broccoli, peppers and maybe something else. 

My 1st place photo in the Outdoor Alabama photo contest is currently touring the state along with the 41 other finalists. I was real happy about that.  Another state museum has expressed definite interest in purchasing one of my sculptures for their permanent collection.  The director basically told me that as soon as I finished the third one in this particular series, that they would buy it.  Just gotta get this rain to stop so I can finish it.  It's a welded steel piece so that's the issue.  I don't yet have a covered welding area.  But I'm working on it and will get there one day.

So, there's a bit of an update.  I hope everyone out there is doing well.  I do hope to get the new blog going before long if I can get out of this reclusive state.  I don't want to say that I have become fearful of people but I have become very untrusting.  My family has been very supportive of me and I have a couple of really good friends that have proven to be golden, but having been diagnosed with Parkinson's has shown me a side of people that I, frankly, have been shocked to see.  Just dumbfounded.  And that's taking me a bit to process and get over.

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Beautiful


Some folks will never see it but that's not my fault nor my problem.

Monday, February 05, 2018

Come Calling

 Hey! Ya'll bear with me!  I am working towards setting up a new blog and will get with those that have expressed interest very soon.  Thank you so much for all the responses!  I was pleasantly surprised to see so many still reading.  I intend to reply to each email and I truly appreciate all the kind words.  I will probably post here a couple more times also.
Here's a few chicken photos to appease you until I can get new stuff going! haha!


All the girls are doing well, although I have lost a few over this past year.  My dear, sweet little Ms. Peepers died though and I am just heartbroken still.  I still miss her so much.  She was one of my "lap chickens" and loved to be petted and snuggled.  She was a character.
I am doing well and getting a lot of stuff done.  I'm still having to adjust my meds some but I think I am making progress.  I've slacked off on my exercise though...which is badbadbad and need to get back to that.  I'm staying very active but that's not the same as regimented exercise.

I am making some progress on the house but am also working on redoing some stuff on the chicken house, garden and those areas.  So, lots of stuff going on.  I have good news on the art front also that I'll tell ya'll about soon.

My poor old neighbor with dementia is getting worse but he's not causing me any trouble, although he is still trying to and weekly threatens to call the sheriff about something.  He's gotten so out of his mind though it's gone from scary and concerning to just sad and pitiful.  The last incident was that he is convinced I am sneaking into his house to steal canned mangos, because I'm starving since Jack left.  It's just sad.  He is so miserable and he hates everyone.  It's like his hate is just collapsing in on him and he lashes out at anyone he comes across.  We've known him for many years now and we don't think he was ever a particularly nice person, i.e. is family won't have anything to do with him. Now he is reaping all those years of being hateful and judgemental towards everyone because no one will go up there out of fear and due to what he has done to folks over the years....He did and said some horrible things to me but I just feel sorry for him.  I don't know that I've ever seen anyone that full of hate for so many right at the end of their life.

But, things are going well for me and I'm very optimistic.  I'm trying hard to just concentrate on improving things here and working on my health.  See y'all soon!!

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Crazy Train

Due to privacy issues (that have nothing to do with things I have talked about recently) and the fact a person has been stealing my photos, this blog with be shut down.  I know that I may sound like a whackadoodle after all I've written about but I have verified this through 3rd parties, so it is unfortunately true.  Even Jack can verify that this person is acting in a very disturbing manner and he even wants me to start carrying a gun. (the person lives in AL). This person has been following me for over a year now and it is very upsetting because they have also tried to get some of my friend's personal info and I got proof recently that they are taking my photos, which I had suspected.  Since I make part of my living with my photos, I have to protect them and myself.  This decision is solely related to this person's actions and a result of my absolutely refusing to put up with even a shred of any more bullshit.  I have had it with deceptive, malicious behavior and am going through my life with a broad sword, a sieve and a torch.

The blog will still exist for the construction information, and the fact that any photos stolen here have already been got, so I'm just gonna leave most of it..  However, it will be cleaned up of many personal references and just left for the building/ gardening info.  I don't want to make it private because then it would block folks from finding relevant construction info and I still get a lot of hits for people looking for that sort of thing.  I will start a new, very anonymous blog (also about building, gardening etc.) sometime very soon, so if you want to follow along please email me at the address over to the right, at my personal email if you know it, or message me on Facebook. And I give you my solemn word that your email address will be sacred to me.  I will never disclose it to anyone.  I will explain what's happening on the new blog.  If you email me, I will verify that you are who you say you are and then send you the link.  I will also be sending out the link in an email to those of you that I have your contact info. If you do not wish to follow me to the new blog then I sincerely thank you for reading all these years and wish you the best. Cheers!

Edit:  Some folks may wonder (and I do too sometimes!) why I continue to write and share, especially some of the very troubling things.  A longtime reader sent me an email and this was one line..." your sharing your struggles in life makes my own seem easier to face..."  Okay, THIS is why I keep writing.  This is why I share.  Due to a lot of circumstances, I can't physically help many folks.  I don't have the various means.  But if I can encourage anyone to keep trying and fighting, then I will do that and the hell with anyone that scoffs at it.

Thursday, January 18, 2018

There's A House In The Forest

 Just thought I'd share a few photos of the snow we had back in December, before Christmas actually.  It's kinda rare for us to have much snow before January but not unheard of.

 It was a fun, pretty snow and didn't hang around for a very long time, so that was good.


I am trying to get back into the habit of posting and hope to have many new things to share with ya'll soon!






Take care and stay warm!!

Tuesday, January 02, 2018

Blessing For The New Year

Beannacht: A Blessing for the New Year
“On the day when
The weight deadens
On your shoulders
And you stumble,
May the clay dance
To balance you.

And when your eyes
Freeze behind
The grey window
And the ghost of loss
Gets in to you,
May a flock of colours,
Indigo, red, green,
And azure blue,
Come to awaken in you
A meadow of delight.
When the canvas frays
In the currach of thought
And a stain of ocean
Blackens beneath you,
May there come across the waters
A path of yellow moonlight
To bring you safely home.
May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
May the clarity of light be yours,
May the fluency of the ocean be yours,
May the protection of the ancestors be yours.
And so may a slow
Wind work these words
Of love around you,
An invisible cloak
To mind your life.”
~John O'Donohue

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Smiling Faces

So, I'm gonna try to explain a few tings that have been going on lately and I have other reasons for posting this also, as I'll also explain.  Due to the nature of things I want a public record of what is going on for my own security.  Now, this is concerning the next to last post I made where I mentioned a former friend that I was trying to help and that it had turned into a possibly dangerous situation.  I mentioned several posts back that a certain elderly neighbor, that I have know for a long time and written about many times here on this blog, had a significant stroke and I had been helping him every morning, along with Allen helping him.  In fact, Allen and I have waited on this guy hand and foot for the last 13 years since his family mostly has nothing to do with him.  The last few years it's mostly been Allen, due to my health problems, but he didn't need a lot of intense help until this stroke.  So, after 2 months or more of helping this guy, washing his butt when he couldn't bathe himself, feeding him, cooking for him and all kinds of other stuff, he actually made a significant recovery.  He's able to cook and feed himself, take a shower etc.  So, one day when I'm up there helping tidy up and stuff, he starts asking me all kinds of questions about my oldest brother; the brother that many of you long-time readers know committed suicide.  So, I was baffled as to why he was asking about him but I answered the questions; yes, Jerry died while we were sharing an apartment (but did not die in the apartment).  Yes, Jerry left his possessions to me...which we had to mostly sell to pay for his funeral etc.  So, then this old fart says, "well, that was all pretty convenient for you!" and proceeds to tell me I killed my brother... Now, I don't think I have to explain how hideous a thing that is to say to someone that has survived the suicide of someone they love dearly.  That was 24 years ago and I've learned to live with his death but that's a scab that is very easily knocked off.  I was so horrified and shocked at what he was saying that I just freaked out and left quickly.  It has upset me to no end.  I can't even begin to describe the horrible emotions that drags up. Then, the next day Neighbor PsychoPants tells Allen that, not only did I kill my brother (to get a few boxes of china and knickknacks), but that I am trying to kill him, so that I can steal all his stuff.  In fact, he is so convinced (delusional), that he made Allen take him down to his pharmacy 3 different times so he can show his prescription meds to the pharmacist in hopes that the druggist would tell him that yes, his drugs had been tampered with.  Of course, they had not and one pill that he was just SURE was a poison turned out to be an OTC stool softener that he had bought himself.  I'm sure the pharmacist got a good laugh out of that.  But this doesn't stop him.  He has been going around telling other folks in town that I am trying to kill him and/ or I am stealing his stuff, I am robbing him and so on.  This to the point that the one woman that's brave enough to go in his house actually "friended" me on Facebook, so she could spy on me I guess.  He can't see what I do there and she sent me the request immediately after visiting him, so I know he put her up to it.  Of course I accepted the request just to let her see that I'm NOT doing anything.  (I sell some stuff I make etc. on FB and he's convinced that I'm selling his stuff that I steal).  Like I'd be that stupid.
Now, I understand that PsychoPants is emotionally unstable, mentally deranged, whatever you want to say.  He has been a serious hoarder all his life, so that right there shows he has mental problems.  The stroke and his uncontrolled diabetes has further affected his mind.  A MRI done right after his stroke showed huge swelling or a mass on his brain that the doctors later said was nothing...Ugh yeah.  However, his ability and understanding to hide this behavior around most people or certain people shows me that he knows what he is doing to a certain extent.  A truly crazy person is crazy all the time.  They don't know to hide it.  He does know and knows very well how to appear to be the poor little, frail elderly man that everyone ignores.  Well, we found out why his family never has anything to do with him.  He has accused all of them of all the same things.  And in my opinion...a person doesn't think up hideous shit like this unless they have thought it or done it themselves...

So, here's why I am writing about this.  He has gone around telling folks in this town a bunch of lies that I am stealing from him, trying to kill him etc.  Now, I know a lot of folks would just write it off to dementia or so and tell me to do the same.  BUT, a lot of folks would not.  People these days will believe anything under the right circumstances.  A couple of hours on Facebook will prove that.  I don't know what people are believing or not but I do know that some local folks do read this blog and I want a public record of what really has transpired and that I have totally cut out any contact with this person in an effort to protect myself.  Even if he called me to come help him, I could not safely do so for fear that he could/ would call the police once I got there and say I was assaulting him or something.  He is that mean and hateful. I have given back all my keys, blocked him on Facebook, I have no contact with him, I do not go over there.. nothing.. and I want that known.  He has threatened several times to call the police and I have no idea what he is going to do from one day to the next.  Of course, he has absolutely no proof because I have not been doing anything but that doesn't matter to him.  He says the cops should believe what he says just because he says it.  Now, yes, I know most police could tell after a few minutes that he has dementia and stuff but it still scares me.  He is extremely hateful and is SO obsessed with his garbage and stuff that he actually thinks someone would want it.  He is your typical hoarder whose house is filled with junk, basically.  To the point it is deteriorating and rats, exposure, neglect, snakes and a whole bunch of other stuff has rendered most things in his house to be worthless, rotted crap.  There's nothing there that anyone would want.

So, I don't know what else to do.  He went on another tirade today telling Allen that I was breaking into his house while he was gone and threatening to call the cops. Turns out I was also gone during that time period delivering some shelves and doing some carpenter work for some friends.  I've done everything I can to stay as far away from him as I can but I basically still live "next door" to him, although it's about a quarter mile.  I don't know what else to do to prove or make a record that I have no contact with him and never want to again.  I am keeping a journal of sorts on days he goes nuts and what I was doing that day etc.  Other than that and this...I don't know what else to do to protect myself.

So, that's Part 1.  Part 2 will come a little later.  Ha!