Treats

I did manage to put up some food from my garden this summer and pickled okra is one of my favorite treats and very easy to make. I know it's not a food staple, like canned tomatoes, but it's still nice to have on hand. In fact, when two of my friends came out for a visit this past weekend, I was happy to be able to include some in a little hors d'oeuvre plate we had to snack on while lunch was cooking. Anyway, some of you in Aussie land might not be familiar with okra, I don't know. Then again, you may know all about it. It is a staple here in the South, though I believe in comes from Africa, and I suppose we prepare it about every way possible. I received this recipe for a pickled version from an old plumber I worked with many years ago at one of the hospitals we built. He was a very nice gentleman and I heard also that he could make some wonderful moonshine but, unfortunately, I never got to sample that. In fact, I get a lot of great recipes from the guys at work. Most people are surprised to think that a bunch of rough ol' construction workers would be able to cook anything edible but many of them are really fine cooks. I mean, it's not stuff you would find at some 5-star restaurant but it is good food. One particularly gruff, cranky old rodbuster I know, and just love to pieces, can make some of the best cakes you have ever put in your mouth.
But anyway, here is the recipe:
Liquid mixture for 5 pints: 4 cups of vinegar. 2 cups of water. 1/2 cup pickling salt.
Place 1/2 tsp. dill seed and 1 tsp. mustard seed in the bottom of each sterilized pint jars. I also place one or two cloves of garlic and one hot pepper in each jar but you can leave out the hot peppers if you like or add more! Pack washed okra fairly tightly into jars but don't pack so hard as to bruise. I alternate placing the pods in upside down to better utilize space also. Bring liquid mixture to boil and pour over okra, allowing about 1/4" head space. Seal jars immediately and let stand for at least 2 weeks. I think pickled okra is best served chilled. This recipe is very simple and the pickles come out very crisp but not too salty.

I have also been trying to update my blog list over there on the side. If your blog is not there yet please know I'm still working on it! That kind of thing takes me a while. If you have not checked them out yet you should really go see Molly's blog, Crossroads, although have you renamed it, Molly? Anyway, she's from Down Under and writes some wonderful self sufficiency posts and just general, living a real, satisfying life kinda stuff. She's much more eloquent than I am.
Also, check out Eighth of an Acre Bounty. Now, Maya can cook! This woman writes about food I would never know how to prepare and it sounds so wonderful. She also has some great posts on living a simpler, more satisfying life and her posts about their chickens are great too! She and her man grow all sorts of food on a tiny little plot in the northwest I believe.

I'll be working on the pantry and various things around the house tomorrow so maybe I'll have something to post about. I also had an unexpected visitor today that I was very happy to see. One of my buddies from work came by so I'll tell ya'll a little about that later. Not that it was all that exciting but he did have a little job gossip.

Why Do You Think They Call It Programming?

These photos don't have anything to do with the subject of this post but I hate to not put up pics of something and the photos of my garden are just not that exciting on their own, so I combine the two! This is some unknown little flower that grows around the house. The blooms are tiny!

This is one of my cabbage plants. I put my hand in there for scale. I believe they are just starting to form the heads. I have never grown cabbage before so don't really know what is going on with them but they know what to do. My brussel sprouts are doing well also.

This is Mexican tarragon. I believe it has another common name but that slips my mind at the time. I grow this solely for the beautiful, dark yellow blossoms at summer's end. It smells, sickeningly enough, like anise or licorice, which I despise. It is a very hardy perennial though.

People often ask me how I find time to plant a garden, work around the house etc. and work a full time job or they (mostly the guys at work) express curiosity about how I spend my free time, seeing as how it is just me here. Ya'll know I don't feel that I get much done here a lot of the time but a good many people seem surprised, especially when they see my place, that I have so many projects going on and do this and that.
First off, I have no family to take care off and so that frees a lot of time. I'm astounded by the couples I see that have small children to care for, and one another, and still build their own place and farm and all sorts of things. I think these people are really the strong ones. Granted, if I had a husband, a little more work might get done because it could continue even though say, I have to go prepare a meal, but I still say that my lack of obligations allow me the time and energy to do this stuff. Because of that, I realize that the way I am building my house is not realistic for most people. Nevertheless, maybe what I do can give other people some ideas.
Secondly, I do not watch TV. I think that it is one of the great tragedies of our society. Now, there are a few good shows and I do have a TV and subscribe to cable, though it is the most basic of the basic, in order to watch a little weather and news. I do enjoy Antiques Roadshow and CBS Sunday Morning but that is about it. Television has just become a great cancer on our brains and society has formed some very unhealthy and frankly, disturbing habits and tastes due to it's influence. Now, I know I may sound like a nut to some at this point but some of the shows I see on TV nowadays are just gross. There seems to be some kind of morbid obsession with watching crime shows and situations that promote conflict or just outright severe hostility towards complete strangers (such as the spouse swapping shows etc). Now, I don't mind the occasional cop show but what, there are like 42 different ones now? And they take great delight in physically showing, in graphic detail, every possible way in which a person can be mutilated in death. I don't get this and if it's not that type show it's some cartoon that is just filled with juvenile "shock' humor. To me, that stuff is thought up by people that are not smart enough to be witty or clever. Everything is about degrading, embarrassing or humiliating another person and I am disheartened to see that our society apparently embraces that crap. We are being taught to be stupid and mean to each other.
I realize there are some good documentaries and nature programs on and I enjoy them also but for the most part, it really makes me wonder if the rest of the world really likes this stuff and I'm the nut, or do people just stare at it and go on about their business, not caring what is being fed to them. And don't get me started about having a TV in your bedroom. Now, I know I'm going to offend some of you with this one but I can't help it. (Oh, God, maybe the TV has more effect on me than I thought!) LOL! Anyway, there are two things you do in the bedroom and watch TV is NOT one of them. The guys at work are always astonished that I get all worked up about this but come on! If you have a beautiful partner to share your bed with, please, turn the damn TV off. And I don't mean you have to, uh, well, you know, but you could just talk.... or whatever. Believe me, if I had a good man to lie in my bed, that TV might even be out in the yard somewhere in a few pieces.
It is all just a symptom of the greater illness of Disconnectedness. Live your own life during the precious, little time that you have here, instead of watching someone else's fake life on TV.

Animal Magic

Yeah, this is a crappy image but I think if you click on the photo and enlarge it you can see what I was taking the picture of. Yesterday morning I was passing through my bedroom and just happen to look out the window to see 3 or 4 deer grazing around my truck. Several weeks ago Allen cut down 2 sweet gum trees (that are still laying there) and they were browsing in amongst the tree limbs. Two fairly large does and at least one baby. I think it still had some of it's spots. They come up fairly close to the house. I saw one of the does a little later behind the house as I went out onto the deck and she just stopped and watched me for a minute. I spoke to her some and she would just look at me and toss her head around as if to say, "I don't believe a word you're saying!"

I was being silly with Grendal last night and took some photos. She is giving me that 'just wait until you go to sleep' look.
Oh, and I know you all are just on the edge of your seat to know how my date went! He was nicer in person and we had a pleasant dinner but I really don't think we have much in common other than we both work construction. Of course, we talked about work some and after telling him about something work related he suddenly got this look on his face (like a bell went off) and he said, 'Oh, so you're a form carpenter! I see...I need to tell so and so she needs to get her story straight." He was referring to his friend that helped set us up. See, in construction, form carpenters are literally known as the 'yard dogs'. We are the rougher of the carpenter trades but you have 'yard dawgs' (as we say here in the south) and 'house cats'. Yard dogs are not allowed inside the buildings after it reaches a certain point of being finished because these fellows are too rough and might poop on the floor, so to speak. They are reserved for hard, outside work only. The house cats, on the other hand, are allowed in the buildings and do the work of running trim, installing door hardware etc. Strangely enough, I can be a yard dog or a house cat. I enjoy both types of work and can be clean enough to be allowed inside the building. So, anyway, it was something different to do for an evening and he told me where I could buy a boot dryer for this winter at a local store, so I did get something out of it.
Well, I am actually going to have company today!! Wow! Two friends of mine are coming up here to buy a work table from me and we are going to have lunch etc. They have never seen the place before either, so there will be lots of walking and such.


*Peter Gabriel

Touch Of Gray

Well, I'm in one of those funks again where 'm not sure what I want to post about or can't get my thoughts together enough to write anything coherent of any length. Not down, just distracted I guess. We have gone back on 5/8's now at work so I went in today even though it was raining some. It just got harder after we got tools out and then this truck pulls down into the unfinished building (he was supposed to be on the other addition) and then decides he can't get back up out of the building. The only way in and out for these 18 wheelers is up and down a hill. So, one of our boys had to halfway unload him so he could pull out. We all got wet and muddy, stomped our feet a little and pouted, so the boss said we could go home. A typical rainy day in our business. I had a bunch of errands to run in town so didn't actually make it home until afternoon.

When I did make it home, it was time for Grendal's annual bath. She has some kind of dermatitis on her back that makes her very itchy, so every once in a while I bathe her and moisturize her back. Believe it or not, she doesn't put up much of a fuss. She meows some but mostly just sits in the sink while I soap her up and rinse her off. She gets some kitty treats afterward for being so good.
So, boring post. Not much going on at the house. Work is still continuing on installation of the wood stove. I just need one more section of pipe on the outside of the house but my money has been held up from the side job I did last month, so I'm not sure when I will be able to complete this project. I'm using double walled insulated pipe because the stove came with it but I lack about 6' to reach the roof. Since I had so much of that pipe already, I'd rather go ahead and buy enough to complete it rather than start over with just regular pipe. It just looks better also.
My sister has set me up on a semi-blind date tomorrow night. I'm not really looking forward to it. I talked to the guy on the phone last night and it just doesn't look good. I hate to be pessimistic but I'm trying to keep an open mind. He might be nicer in person. I have a crappy attitude right now about some men. Not all men, just trying to date them or maybe, them trying to date me, not that I actually get that many with that on their mind. One of the main detriments I think to working around so many men and for so many years, is that I think you become sort of immune (I'm not sure the right word) to them. They lose some of their mystique, if you will. Aren't women drawn to men partially because they can do such impressive, manly things, like build and lift and demolish and such? But I know I can do all those things and often times it's not that hard, so I find myself thinking, just get the hell away from me and let me finish this on my own. Now, I know that sounds mean and bitchy but I don't think that when it is one of my real buddies that is assisting me. Just when some guy, that I can tell is trying to make some time, thinks he is going to show me how great he is or how I could profit so much by his presence. Is that mean of me? Now, I know many real, highly impressive men that I respect greatly but these bulls****ers that think I'm going to fall at their feet because they can hook up a toilet just piss me off. And it's not because I think 'I'm all that', I think I've just gotten tired and cranky. I hope this does not come off as sounding like a rant about men; it's not. I adore my men friends and they are good folks. I've just lost that ideal of finding 'the one'. There is not a match for everyone.
In the past few years, I've only been really impressed by the sheer manliness of a guy one time. I think you would know it was the Switchman. Despite our embarrassing intro, he was an unique gentleman and the guys would watch in utter amazement as I would just melt into a babbling pool of adoring goo every time this man came around. See, they are my work buddies only and as such, I never speak of any of them in a way that might suggest that I find some of them attractive (even though I do) or something similar, so they are not used to me getting all "googly-eyed" as they put it. Even now, when I fail to notice some guy they think I should or tell one to go away, they just look at each other and say, "Well, I guess he's no Switchman."


*Grateful Dead

Chew On This

Alright, ya'll have been way too quiet for too long! I know you're out there 'cuz I sees you. So, I'm going to try and make you talk. I know my readers just can't help but to try and be helpful and I need some input on something. Nothing earth shattering or anything, just some ideas.
OK, so I've run out of new, appetizing stuff to take for lunch at work. Now, before you scoff at me, food to us is very important! We have to eat certain things to be able to keep our strength up all day and I try to eat pretty healthy and organic also. Put that with the fact that we usually have to eat out in the field, where a microwave or such is a bonafide luxury and let me tell you, this job I'm on now is not fancy. We do have our tricks though, such as putting food that needs to be warmed up on the dash of our trucks or on the engine compartment of some of the machines but for the most part it helps to take food that can be eaten cool. In the summer, it's not much of a big deal because you don't feel like eating too much anyway. Just some fruit and crackers or something. But now that the weather is cooling off my appetite has returned and my girlish figure is becoming not so girlish. So, I'm trying to drop a few pounds also.
I try to have about a 50/50 mix of protein-carbs to maintain energy and avoid muscle fatigue. So, for breakfast I have a toasted cheese with a thin slice of ham or chicken on 1 piece of whole wheat bread and some unsweet tea. For morning break usually some lowfat, organic yogurt and 1/2 peanut butter sandwich (whole wheat) with a small 100 calorie Coke. Yeah, yeah, I do drink one coke a day. Today I cut out the PB sammich and just had a few crackers with my yogurt. Lunch is sometimes a ham sam or rollup or a cold pork chop or chicken leg. I'll have a small salad and some fruit and crackers too. I also sometimes take a deviled egg, some granola, lowfat spinach dip, maybe some pita bread etc. I always take 2-3 servings of fruit to eat throughout the day also. Unsweet tea with lunch.
So, any ideas for something different? And FC, the banana and a bottle of water ain't gonna do, honey. I would dry up and blow away on that! LOL! Seriously, if any of you have some ideas I would love to hear them.

Sunday Morning

I think that Johnny Cash's "Sunday Morning Coming Down" (written by Kris Kristoferson) is probably a better known song and certainly one of the best country songs written but to me, one of the absolute most depressing songs EVER written and that wasn't what I was going for. So I went with Velvet Underground instead. It is a very gray, slightly cool morning here but very peaceful and nice. Only a very slight breeze is blowing and the woods are very hushed despite the multitude of birds flitting about. For the past 2 days the entire clearing around the house has been inundated with eastern blue birds. I have never seen so many in one spot in my life. I wish I could get some photos but they are very shy if I go out onto the deck so I watch them from the inside. I suppose they are migrating but I'm glad they chose the weekend so I could see them. I need to put up some houses for them next year. The photo is taken from behind a beautiful dogwood tree that grows beside the house. Under it is a feeder that I refilled this morning for the birds and a bath for them also. In the background is the drive and part of the garden on the left.

Just a close up of the dogwood berries. I don't know if birds eat these or not. The pile of rocks at the base of this tree, which was visible in the previous photo, will be part of my project today. As part of installing the heater, I must also start laying the stone that finishes out the exterior of the basement. I started last summer but have a long way to go.

My fall garden is coming along nicely. I think a rabbit got in yesterday morning early and chopped down one of my brussel sprouts. It was just bitten in half! You can see in the top left corner. Sprouts on the left, cabbage on the right. I planted some spinach yesterday also. The okra and peppers (surprisingly) are still going strong.

I'm not sure the variety of cabbage. I've never grown it before and am not sure what I'm going to do with it. I like it cooked fresh and may try to dry some as Molly suggested to use it soups, since I now have a dehydrator! Yea!
Well, I think a lot of my posts lately have been boring or depressing so I may have some funny stories from work for you later. I get tons of questions from people on what it's like to work with so many men, being the only woman on the job. It has led to some hilarious moments to be sure. Men are so funny and cute! How can you not love 'em?!

Everything Changes

The leaves are finally starting to change here and it is beginning to feel a lot more like fall although, as I type this I am sitting here in a tank top with the doors open and it is a comfortable 70 degrees. The photo shows some stuff I picked up at the local farmer's market last weekend or Fred picked up for me. We have several U-pick farms in the area and Fred made several trips during the summer. So thanks to him I have put up several quarts of blueberries, peaches and Mama got me some strawberries. My okra is still producing but Fred also brought me a load from his kin's garden and I pickled a half dozen pints and froze some. I am trying to switch the garden over now to fall crops and am happy to say my brussel sprouts and cabbage seem to be doing great. If I could get some old stuff cleaned out I will plant some spinach and lettuce. I was going to dry the apples but have ended up eating most of them in my lunches at work! Well, I can get some more maybe. Fred also came up with a food dehydrator for me recently. He runs a antique/junk store downtown but easily has more stuff at his house so if I say, "Fred, I need a silver-plated monkey with a gilded horse turd on it's head", he can find one. I must get some more apples though because part of the deal was to make him some fried pies!

Well, there have been a number of changes at work also. They are almost through setting the panels and the steel erectors will be there next week. We have completed most of our heavy concrete work so there was a mass exodus of men from the job yesterday. The majority of guys will go to new jobs Monday. Me and 3 or 4 other guys are the only ones left. I suspect that I will stay because they will need a welder a little later on. We heard through the grapevine that the job in Slidell, LA (the one I thought I might go to) has shut down indefinitely and another job we had in Montgomery, AL has had several guys leave that site due to lack of work, although the job has not stopped. We thought we were going to do the tilt ups on that site but they ended up subbing it out at the last minute. So, a lot of work we thought we had is not materializing. We got our raises on yesterday's checks too. Unfortunately, there was not a lot of changes there. I don't know of anyone that was particularly pleased with what they got, in fact, most were fairly pissed off. Morale in the field is the lowest I think I have ever seen it right now. Lots of talk of men going to other companies. Our office just does not seem to care about anything but loading their own pockets and think we (in the field)are so stupid that if they pay for us to attend a baseball game now and again that we will be happy with that. Don't get me wrong, I think company outings are fine. I always enjoyed our company picnic when they had them, but these men in the field have children to feed. Throwing some tickets to a baseball game or amusement park to us every once in a while is just not going to cut it when our pay fell behind inflation several years ago. Hhmmm. This all sounds familiar doesn't it. Maybe my company has been watching the government too much lately.
Well, I have my last 3-day weekend. We go back on 5-eights next week so I'm going to try to make a big effort on the heater and garden. My sister and her family are coming to town tonight for a football game and a work buddy of mine is also in town for a side job so I might have company today!! Wow! Well, got to get to work!

*Staind

Last Thing I Needed First Thing This Morning

The title of this post (and subject matter) and the photo don't have anything to do with each other. I've just been listening to Willie quite a bit lately and didn't realize until I was downloading the photo that it is "first thing this morning" too! I just thought it was a pretty sunrise the other morning and happen to get a shot.
The title and the subject matter are kinda related in that sometimes, when it seems that things are trying enough as it is, Life just wants to really push us further than we can go. However, as I have sometimes learned although not part of the song, if you will go ahead with it, there is often a lesson or some benefit to it. This post is also mainly for a friend; someone who's words meant a great deal to me many years ago, although I'm sure he is completely unaware. Often times random things we say in the course of conversation can really hurt or help the other person without us ever knowing but this event turned out to be a great benefit to me even though it started out badly in my mind.

This post is not a downer but does have some serious content at first so if you prefer lighter fare I won't be offended if you go on to the next blog. Except you Buddy, you keep reading. Fifteen years ago, during the last week of September, my brother died at his own hand. For many years afterward I had a lot of trouble accepting this and often blamed myself for his actions. I was the last person to speak to him or see him alive. It wore on me for a long time and I constantly questioned what I could have done to have stopped him or changed something. Now, at the time of his death I was working at a large, old church on the south side of Birmingham. That was the last place I ever saw my brother, so for many years, and really even to this day, I avoided even that neighborhood. We lived about a quarter mile from this church also, so I didn't want to be around there at all.
Well, skip ahead about 5 years, I'm newly divorced and living north of Birmingham. The personnel director for my company called and asked me to go run some trim at a church. It was a small job, just one carpenter and the superintendent were all that was needed and I'd only be there about a week. The church was over on the south side of Birmingham, not the one, but right next door. In fact, you could literally stand between the 2 churches, stretch out your arms and touch both buildings at the same time.
Well, when would I be needed there? Oh, the last week of September. Just that week.
Couldn't they get someone else? There are better trim carpenters than me! Nope. No one else is available.
I couldn't really say, "I can't go" and didn't want to get into why. It's highly frowned upon in our business if you refuse to go to a certain job without very good reason so, having just turned out as a journeyman, I felt that I had to just suck it up, as they say. After all, it was just for a few days but God, what a slap in the face. I mean, any other time of year or any other place but this!
So, I made it through the first couple of days but my mind was really working on me and I felt myself becoming quite depressed. The third day was the exact anniversary of my brother's death and I was really struggling to make it all the way to quitting time. So, at lunch the superintendent and I were sitting around chatting about various things, when he started telling me about his wife and family. As far as I know, he was unaware of my situation so I'm not sure what brought that subject or the one that followed up, it's been 10 years after all, but we talked on and then he started telling me about his wife's grandfather, I think it was. It might have been his grandfather but at any rate, this man had told him (my boss) that years before something had happened to him and it really brought him down. He became very depressed and finally one day decided that he could no longer take it. He took a loaded gun and went outside, I think to the barn. He was completely alone and had all the freedom to carry out his plan. No one was there to stop him. As he sat there for a few moments collecting himself, his thoughts turned to his granddaughter. She was very young and he loved his granddaughter very much, so much so that he decided that was the one thing that he could stand to live for.
It was like someone had turned a light on in my head. Though we really want to help our loved ones, everyone is ultimately responsible for themselves. You can't make people do what you thing is best for them, we all have to find our life on our own. Whether you choose to believe in God or another person or the greater collective of mankind, each person must have something to hold on to. You can only hold on to someone's hand for so long after they've let go. I didn't say anything at the time for whatever reason but from then on the load seemed a little lighter and I began to accept what had happened. I will always miss my brother and still feel somewhat that I could have done more but I have a better understanding of things now.
So, when things get rough for me or it seems that I'm being asked to "take one on the chin" I try and remember that there may be something in it for me after all. Maybe a chance to learn or see from a new perspective. And thank you Buddy, for sitting down and having lunch with me that day. You may not remember that job but I always will.


*Willie Nelson

Some Like It Hot

I had to work Friday so I did not get as much done this weekend as I hoped but still managed to do a fair amount and the heater in now in the basement! It's nowhere near hooked up but it's there. And the extra money I made by having to work over will help buy the additional flue pipe I need. This freaking thing is heavy. Allen and I had a time getting it loaded onto my truck and poor ol' Blue now has his first dent, dang it. But anyway, I'm ecstatic to have this heater. It is going to help out so much this winter. I have to check the specs for this stove and make sure I have the proper clearances against the wall etc. but I don't think there will be much problem there. I will also have to remove those center two windows and make a solid section of wall for the pipe to pass through but that is OK. I might can use those 2 windows in a chicken house or studio or something.
I have also found some drawings for a water heating system using wood burning stoves. It looks fairly simple to do; just divert the water on it's way to the electric water heater, pass it through a coil system next to the wood heater and send it on it's way back to the electric heater. If it's not all the way to temperature, it's at least preheated so that the electric heater doesn't have as much to do. A shutoff valve lets you bypass the system in the summer.
I've got some cleanup to do on the heater, put the doors back on and replace the stone in the floor of the heater but it was hardly used and in great shape. It has been a little cool here lately in the mornings but it will still be a while before any real heat is needed.

This end of the basement looks great, right? You should see the other end! Looks like a cyclone hit it but I'm slowly getting stuff cleaned up. I had to practically empty one end and clean it up to get the heater in. This let me build this really great shelving unit though. I love this thing! I think it came out well to have made the design up as I went. As you can see, maybe, it holds all of my stained glass supplies with the glass standing up and sorted by color so I can see what I have at a glance. It is right next to the kiln so I have a few supplies for that in here too. I didn't have time but plan to put up some shelves for gardening supplies and hand tools also. I cleaned up the yard some and got a lot of salvaged materials stored in our bone yard away from the house, so it makes things look a lot better.
Today I took a little time and went to the big art/craft festival int his area where I used to sell my pottery some years. I was curious how the economy has affected such things and just wanted to get out and enjoy the beautiful weather. The show was very busy and most vendors said they had done pretty good business. I was rather surprised.
Anyway, I saw the Queen, Rurality! and spoke with her and hubby for about an hour and a half. They are doing well but very busy so she has just fallen out of the blogging habit for now. She has possible plans for a triumphant return though, so maybe it won't be too much longer.

The Last Time

OK, this is my last post on tilt up panels, I promise. I think subjects like this are just extremely boring to most people or kinda weird. I think most people look at heavy construction like this and just say, why would anybody even want to be around that? One slip and you're flat as a pancake. Yes, quite a few men have been killed by these things but it is still a relatively safe way to build. Anytime you go into a Lowe's or similar warehouse type store, you are usually in a tilt-up building. There are even tilt-up houses on a small scale. Anyway, this photo shows the guys attaching the shackles to a panel, getting ready to pick it up.

We pour these nice smooth panels and put a pretty finish on them and then bust these holes in the face of them! The lifting eyes are set in the panel, wired to the rebar, and then the concrete poured around them. They have these little plastic caps set just slightly under the surface that will form a little void around the eye and allow you to finish the mud smoothly over the whole panel, with just about 1/2" of concrete to span over the lifting eye. This lets you to get a smooth finish on the next panel poured on top and still be able to bust out that thin layer of concrete over the eye.

Sometimes the panels need a little encouragement to let go of the one below it. We spray a bond breaker between panels but the concrete can sometimes still stick. The man there takes what we call a spike and jams it in the crevice between the panels, prys just a little while the crane holds a little pressure on it and POP! it lets go.

Then they just pick it on up. You might think that in this position the weight of the concrete would cause the panels to break right here but they are actually quite flexible. I saw a very large panel bow, what looked like, about 16" without breaking.
When they get the panel up and out of our area, we run over and jump on the next panel down to bust out the lifting eyes etc. and prepare that next one to be picked up. We needed our small jackhammer so I ran over to get it (they had borrowed it for drilling) and saw that it was laying just about in front of the panel they were now setting. They had the panel resting on the wall but no braces on it yet so I thought to myself, well, it's safe enough, those guys are all around it and it didn't look like they were attempting to move it any, just preparing to put the braces on. So I start towards the drill and about that time the panel shifted, the end closest to me swung off the wall about 2 feet and hit the panel next to it which I was directly in front of! This makes a loud noise as you can imagine and the whole row of panels shake. I didn't think I was still able to move that fast. What made me move faster was when I looked behind me and saw one of the panel crew right behind me. He was hauling ass too and I didn't stop until I was about 50 feet away. Of course, the guys asked me later what was I getting so excited about.

This guy is a worker that you hardly ever see anymore, if fact, I wasn't sure who he was until later but he is an "oiler". An oiler's job is to look after the crane. He stays on it's back most of the time, except when it's walking, and he cleans it and feeds it and obviously, oils it. He gets down when it moves to another location and walks along with it to make sure it doesn't step on anything and has plenty of clearance to get where it's going. I'm not sure why you don't see oilers too much anymore, and you might in other areas such as up north, but they don't use them much here anymore.

One other story for you: Yesterday, I was talking to the panel crew foreman while standing next to his truck. During the conversation I happen to notice several watermelon laying in the bed. I guess I kinda smiled and he asked me if I wanted some. I tried not to start laughing; I knew he meant the watermelon! **(Long time readers will know what I'm talking about) He picked out the prettiest one and gave it to me. I thanked him kindly and put it in my cooler. When I hauled it out at lunch and presented it to my guys they all looked surprised.
"Where'd you get that?!"
"That nice foreman gave it to me".
They all started snickering and cutting their eyes at each other, "you and your watermelon...hey, wasn't it about this time exactly last year that.....?"
"Just hush and eat the dang melon!"

** New readers go here, http://edificerex.blogspot.com/2007/10/funny-thing-happened-on-way-to-tool.html to read the original story. It's worth it.

* The Rolling Stones

Get Up, Stand Up

They started setting our tilt up panels yesterday at work. Well, actually, yesterday they only moved existing panels to new locations and it wasn't until the last pick of the day today, that they actually stood one of our new ones up. This is a food distribution center for one of the grocery chains in this area and has been in our company's "family" for a long time. Practically everybody that has worked for our company for the past, oh, 25 years has worked on this building at some point. I worked here once before about 10-11 years ago. We are adding 2 major additions to their warehouse space. I think it is interesting to note that Allen and my ex-husband both worked on the original construction of this warehouse on the same crew way back when. They built these panels that we are moving now. In fact, Allen just recently confirmed my suspicions that a train used to be connected to the building in some way because he and my ex were on the crew that put in the foundation for the train tracks that actually ran through the building for 400 feet. At that time, the owners feared a possible trucker's strike and so installed the rail line but some years later had it removed. Thus, the large section of railroad track that I tripped over on my first day.
But anyway, the photo above shows the crawler crane slowly carrying an old panel down to it's new location.

This is the panel after it has been stood and braced off. This process is very cool but kinda scary. We stay away from the panels. They have a special crew that comes in and does these. I was surprised to see so many very young men on this particular crew. There is only one older man. After the crane is cut loose from the panel, those 2 steel braces are the only thing holding the panels up. It is truly amazing that these guys can maneuver the panels so accurately and place them in exactly the right spot on the very edge of a 12" wide wall and within 3/4" of the panel next to it.

Just another shot of the panel set before. You can see our new panels in the foreground. I was very happy to see that our first panel did not stick or break! Cross your fingers for all the rest.

This shot just shows the location of the lifting eyes on the face of the panel. They have secured the panel are are cutting the crane loose now. The lifting eyes have these neat shackles on them which they connect the long ropes to. They pull on the ropes from below and it causes the shackle to open and fall off the lifting eye so that no one has to get on a ladder or lift and manually remove it. Pretty neat, I think. Sometimes they have to pull pretty hard to get them to turn loose.
We have been having to work even later than normal due to the panels so I may not post again until the weekend but will undoubtedly inflict some more tilt up photos on you. I think it is one of the more fascinating ways that we build.

*Bob Marley

Strange Fruits

I started not to use this particular song title because I thought maybe the real subject of the music was not appropriate. Some of you may remember this old Billie Holiday song which is about lynchings and I did not want it to seem that I was making light of the song's subject matter or being disrespectful. So, that's not the case and there is no ulterior meaning in the post, at least, not to me. But I don't think we should try to forget about certain works of art just because they speak of things we may find uncomfortable.
So, on to what I'm posting about. I believe these are muscadine grapes which grow wild in this region. There are many of these vines growing on my property. I don't know if they grow in our northern states but are prevalent in the south. Many people just love them and I believe that there is even a local vineyard that has begun producing a wine from the grapes but I really don't care for them. They have a very strong odor and thick skins. The taste is hard to describe; it's not altogether unpleasant but just not worth the effort to me.

If there are any local people reading who would like to come gather these, please contact me. You can have all you can find. They have a fairly large fruit and people make jelly and the aforementioned wine from them.

I have no idea what this shrub is and neither did Fred. If anyone might know I'd be glad to hear. The berries on these small trees do not seem pleasant to eat. I have not tried them but they don't smell particularly good. There are lots of these trees around here also.

There are several varieties of really cool grasses around here that I think would make some interesting landscaping specimens. This one is probably over 8 feet tall and grows in these neat little clumps. I think the trick might be keeping it in a neat little clump if I tried to cultivate it. You can't tell from the photo but it has very pretty silky, purple fronds on the top. It is probably just some old common grass gone wild but I like it.

There are also several types of ferns that grow here in abundance. But I love ferns so that's okay with me too. I have ID'ed the Christmas ferns and cinnamon ferns but am not sure what this is.

I'm still working on the heater today. We extracted it from Fred's house without a huge amount of difficulty and have it here at the house. Today's project is to get the basement cleaned up, the chosen spot cleared out and get the heater moved in place by this evening. It is ungodly heavy. I'll try to get some photos today of the whole process. Exciting I know.

*Billie Holliday

Dig It!

OK, this is the second time I have tried to do this post. I got the last one ALL screwed up and just decided to start over. That's just the way things have been going lately. Anyway, last weekend Allen came over with the backhoe he rented and dug up a few stumps for me. He did a lot of work on cutting a new area on his land for a tractor shed/office and working on his driveway some. As you can see in this photo, I just let the area around that stump get overgrown and messy and it was really an eyesore. It took up quite a bit of space in the garden too.

But now it's gone! Hopefully, I will be able to till this area soon and amend the soil so as to get it ready for planting next spring. I am going to build a raised bed on this side of the garden for my strawberry plants too.

We took out two old, scraggly sweet gum trees also. They were just cluttering up the yard and shading the garden some, not to mention producing those horrible little spiky balls for me to step on. I have no shortage of sweet gum trees here. Unfortunately, I don't think it is a good firewood. We were amazed to see this tree's roots had completely encompassed a fairly large rock. No shortage of rocks here either. You can see the teeth on the backhoe made short work of the stump and Allen extracted the rock and hauled the stump off to the burn pile.

So then I graded the area by hand and pulled out all the weeds and roots and debris and hauled all that off. It looks tons better now! I'm very happy about getting this done. I also finally planted my brussel sprouts and cabbage. I hope to plant some lettuce and spinach soon but don't know if I'll get to that this weekend.
The big plan now is to get the wood burning heater installed in the basement. I actually turned the gas heater on this morning because it was so cool when I got up. Of course, as soon as the sun got up enough to start shining in the house, it warmed up enough to turn that off. I intended to start today cleaning out the area in the basement for the heater but didn't get around to it. I got distracted by the garden and just general chores that need doing. Washing clothes, dishes, cleaning and such. I've got to get an earlier start tomorrow though and really get something done.
I have just felt so disconcerted lately. The economic crap going on is very disturbing. Construction is usually one of the first things to grind to a halt if things get bad financially. We are a little slow as it is and are very uncertain what is going to happen in the near future. The building I'm on now will be completed but not sure what will be after that.
I woke up the other night thinking it was time to get up (I swore I heard the alarm go off) and even got up and started to wash up and make coffee but then saw it was only 11:30 pm. I went back to bed and woke up at the correct time, but then thought I had overslept and was rushing around only to realize in a few minutes that I was not late after all. I've had crazy dreams about stuff that actually happens later. Things are just very out of sorts and it's hard for me to concentrate on my work and things I need to do here. There are several things I want to post about but just can't seem to get my thoughts together on things. But I will start moving the heater tomorrow and preparing for winter. I have loaded up on propane; what I can afford anyway. I got the big tank filled and since I cook on a little portable stove, I bought a supply of the small bottles.
I'll try to post again tomorrow. I have some photos from work and around the property here. Maybe ya'll can help me out with some plant IDs.

*The Beatles

Birdhouse In Your Soul

Reason #57 not to let your tools sit unused for too long....


*They Might Be Giants

Carnival

This has been a rather enjoyable weekend so far. Not enough time spent at home as I was finishing up a project in town but I do have all day Sunday for the house. Friday I stopped by the one gallery (for now) that carries my pottery and was delighted to find I had sold out and received a check. I got to meet the illustrious BFA for a cup of coffee downtown and had a wonderful meal of sushi on the way home. When I got home, I talked Allen into going to the county fair with me so we went off to that. No giant rat this year though, dang it! Ours is also too small to have animal exhibits which is disappointing but the other exhibits are good.

I spoke to some nice people with the Alabama Cattlemen and Women's Assoc. and may have found a local source for natural pork and beef until I can raise my own. Hey! Fred won several first and second place ribbons with some of his pottery and knitted things! Go Fred! This photo is blurry I know, but I thought it looked interesting anyway.
I did get home yesterday in time to do some yard work and garden clean up. Allen has rented a back hoe for his place and is starting the foundation for a tractor shed/office over on his land. He may have time to pull up one or two stumps for me. Oh! I stopped by a friends house yesterday (the glass artist) and dropped off the new saucers for her and some bags and tissue paper because she is having a show today and didn't have any materials for wrapping purchases, which I hope she has many!

And I finished this project!! Woohooo!! Boy, am I glad. One of the fellows from work came in and helped me take down the scaffolding and get it moved to the bottom of the hill for pick up tomorrow. The younger boys are usually looking for odd jobs to make a little side money so I try to help them out when I can. Now, to just get my money for this job and finish my siding.
Next weekend I start the process of installing the wood burning heater into the basement but there is a lot of prep work to do first for this may go kinda slow. And I have to extract the heater from Fred's house (his idea, bless his heart) so I know that is going to be slow! I am accumulating firewood but need to get it all in one place and split some more. The mornings are still so lovely right now. Oh, man, this is the last official day of summer! Hope ya'll enjoy it!

*Natalie Merchant/ Tigerlily album

Good Morning Good Morning

I woke up this morning to an absolutely beautiful day here. I love getting up on Fridays and knowing I have 3 whole days to do whatever I want, for the most part anyway! The past several mornings are just wonderful here. It's slightly cool and the sunlight has that very clear, slightly golden look. The photo really does not come anywhere close to how it looked first thing this morning, the sunlight just starting to illuminate the tops of the trees as it peeked over the mountain behind me. The seasons are definitely changing. In fact, this afternoon I need to close the clerestory windows for the year. I really enjoy fall but dread the winter really and it doesn't even get very cold here. I might be a tough construction worker but I am a definite wienie when it comes to cold weather.
I unloaded the kiln this morning and everything seemed to come out fine despite a slight over firing. I think it is time to change the sensing rod in my kiln. Anyway, I'll be finishing up that side job in Birmingham today and tomorrow and perhaps stop by to see a friend while I'm in town. She is a glass artist and I made her some new saucers for her glass fusing projects. I hope these work. the work won't take long so I'll still have a decent amount of time this weekend to work on some stuff here. I hope to work in the garden and get some things cleaned up around here. In the above photo you can see part of my freshly mowed "lawn"! It looks so much better but I actually have some more to do. I really need that tractor but that is going to have to wait just a little longer.

Here is a shot of Grendal giving me one of her looks. I had been out walking around the yard and garden instead of in the house feeding her snacks. She always looks at me like I'm insane when I try to get her to walk with me. Why walk around looking at silly things like plants when you can lie on the floor and eat! Crazy humans.

*The Beatles

The Long Day Is Over

It was a typical work day today. I got home around 7:00 p.m. We got ready to pour about 60 feet of footing today, tying steel, putting in 2 bulkheads where the footing stepped down. Shot grade in the ditch etc. I think it was supposed to be 18 yards of concrete on the job at 2:00. Not that big a pour. At 2:10 still no mud. Boss called the plant, "oh, we thought it was on 'will call' for 2:00." Which means they thought we would call to confirm before they sent the trucks. Crap. So, it's 3:00 before the mud shows up. It poured out fine but then our clean up truck was about 30-40 minutes late. Often times on a footing pour or similar you can't figure the concrete exactly because you are pouring against dirt banks which vary in dimensions. So, you pour out all your trucks until you get about to where you know one truck will finish you up. You measure the remaining amount of footing or whatever and calculate your mud from that last measurement. A hard formed area can be figured exactly but dirt banks can have holes etc. Usually your next to last truck will radio in the amount for you and that last truck is your 'clean-up' or 'call-back' as some say. So, the clean-up was late and we got a trainee driver on top of that. He did fine but they are usually just a little slower. We were very glad to finally get through. Traffic was not too bad and I just bought supper on the way home.
Oh, I almost forgot! The US Marshalls showed up and hauled a guy off! Not one of our guys though, LOL!. We go through too many background checks, drug checks etc. There is a bunch here from Texas that are pouring the interior floors and it was one of their guys. They cuffed him and took him off without any incident. I hate to admit it, but I've seen that happen on every really large job I've ever been on. US Marshalls, state police, sheriffs. We even had the FBI SWAT team show up to get this man and woman who were working together on a crime spree. They were working as laborers on one of our jobs in Florida. They had already robbed and killed 2 men and were, from best we could tell, about to roll one of our own foremen. He was lucky. I was not on that job but a bunch of my buddies were. They said it was wild; the SWAT team came flying out of everywhere, screaming, everybody was throwing themselves on the ground! I'm glad I missed that one.
Oh, and I saw that the electrician foreman is a guy I worked with about 9 years ago. He wanted me to go out with him then but I turned him down. He is fairly handsome so I'm not sure why I said no. Hhhmmm. I think maybe I was seeing someone else. Or I thought this guy was kinda weird. I don't know.
So, typical day; you know it's been a rough day when you have to wash the concrete out of your ears. I hope I got it all. Bedtime now.

*Norah Jones

What Goes Around

I got the grass cut! Yea! Well, there is still lots of yard work to do but the yard looks soooo much better and I feel some better. I'm almost done with the side job in Birmingham also so that will be a great help to get that over with. I got all my pottery that I had thrown, trimmed and ready to dry. Here in this photo, some of it is still leather hard. That is hard enough to trim up but still has water in it. Now, it will sit until it has dried out and I will bisque fire it. I thought we would track it's progress after it is bisqued and glazed and then again after it is completely finished.

Same stuff, different angle. We have changed our hours at work since the sun is coming up later now, so I get to sleep until 4:00 a.m.! Woohooo! Man, that's pathetic. I bought nine brussel sprout plants this weekend but did not get around to planting those. The garden is the next thing I need to work on. I did mow in it some and cleaned up a little but you can't really tell. It needs some major work. I would also like to plant some lettuce and spinach and it is getting closer to the time to plant garlic.
In an effort to make myself feel better I was trying to make a list of just what all I did accomplish this summer and there are a few things.

*I ran about 60% of the siding. Several of the guys at work have volunteered to come up here one weekend soon and have a big 'siding party' to help me get that done before winter. I have to cook lunch for them and I'll buy them some beer!. My guys are so good to me and try to keep me going.
*I trimmed out several windows on the interior and exterior. I still lack the kitchen windows and the bathroom.
*Installed light fixtures (3) in bath.
*Sheetrocked partition wall between kitchen and living room. It's not finished though.
*Created flower bed along side driveway and transplanted several native flowers to this area. It does need to be reworked just a little to make it follow drive better.
*Harvested lots of okra, tomatoes, purple hull peas and green beans from garden. I did manage to put up a little of this for winter. Oh, peppers too.
*Stained about 30% of siding but having meltdown over colors again.

I think I probably did a little more here or there but can't think of much now. I have made a couple of small lists of things I must do before winter to work on now. And I might take off another week maybe next month or something to work on the house. My company is good to let us take vacation and they have always let me take extended time off for various things and come back when I was ready. We are so short of carpenters now though that I don't want to take a lot of time off.
Oh! I talked to one of my buddies Thursday night that worked on the railroad job! He is down in Slidell, LA with the boss we had at the railroad and the engineer too. Ya'll remember me telling you about possibly going there to work? Well, that job has started somewhat. It will probably be first of next year before they need any carpenters though. I don't know if I'll be asked to go however. I got into a bit of trouble with that boss at the end of the railroad job and he may not ask me to come down there. It won't hurt my feelings any if he doesn't. I mean, I still like the boss but don't know that I want to go down there for 2 years. Well, bedtime for me!

Stick It Out

We did not get enough rain at work this week to warrant a 'rain-out', so we are enjoying a 3 day weekend now. I hate the 10 hour days but the weekends are nice. I worked on the small side job in Birmingham yesterday and will go back today for a short while. Next weekend I should finish up so that will be great. I will make enough money off of that job to do something fairly substantial around the house or something.
I got home about mid-afternoon and set about trying to get the outside of the house back to some semblance of an occupied house. The grass has grown up so that it looks deserted around here. My goal for this weekend is just to cut all the grass and maybe try to get the garden cleaned up some. What meager bit of garden is still there is producing, so I'm trying to get what I can out of it. Of course, I pick this weekend to mow now that gas prices have gone through the roof and I need 5 gallons to finish this dang yard! Well, not that much but probably close. Serious thoughts of fencing part of the yard and getting a cow are going through my head. It is absolutely disgusting that these gas stations are allowed to run the price up so over this storm. We are not even going to get any rain off Ike and yet it has induced near panic at the pumps. Now, I realize the refineries in the Gulf have had to shut down again and a small jump in prices are to be expected, but our governor actually had to declare state of emergency here to insure that gas stations would just not blatantly take advantage of the situation. By the time I left my house and made it to downtown Birmingham yesterday, prices had shot up near $1.00/gal. more. Buying an electric mower is also a serious thought right now.
I also have some pottery drying in the basement that I need to attend to today. I am really wanting to do maybe one or two art shows this year just to get out and be around that community again. The shows closer to Christmas generally do better and there are a couple of decent ones not far from the house. So, that might be fun. I'll try to show some pics of the pottery as it progresses.
Well, got to get to work! Hope ya'll all have a good weekend.

*Rush

Kozmic Blues

And the neatest thing, is these little creatures absolutely LOVE to eat termites! This one was gobbling down every one he could catch back in the spring when I had that wacko termite swarm at the house.

*Janis Joplin

Sitting Still

Some new wildflowers have popped up recently around the house. I am just continually astounded at how many new varieties I keep finding here. I mean, they are new to me. I especially like this flower. Don't know what it is; does anyone have an idea? I have only found a few of these but hopefully they will continue to reproduce.

Here's a closer view for you. I love the dark blue color too.

In the past week there has also been a slew of these 'shrooms pop up behind the house in the shady areas. Don't worry, I like how they look but don't touch! This is the first year that I remember seeing so many of these also. The tops are bright red when they first sprout up but fade a little as they open up. Still pretty though.
I planned to post sooner but last week I tore the hell out of some muscles in my lower back and so have not been very active lately. It is fairly uncomfortable to sit at the computer for very long. Plus, the doctor gave me some strong muscle relaxers etc. and when I take them I would not be able to write anything that made sense! Not that what I write normally makes sense but anyway. So, this little incident has really driven home the fact that I need to change professions but I am still at a loss on what to do about that. I am looking and researching though.

The BFA read my post (the bad one) and promptly called me up last week to chew me out. But I needed it. I believe that I had rather be afflicted with most anything other than an ungrateful heart and so needed to get over that hissy fast. I am VERY thankful for what I have and know that I have gotten some stuff done this summer. Not what I wanted too but I have done stuff. And yes, I expect too much of myself and am very impatient sometimes. We are so ingrained at work to produce a certain amount of work per day that I think it permeates the rest of your life too. We are literally evaluated on how many linear feet of form work, concrete, trim or what have you that we can run each day and I guess I take that attitude home with me. So what if it is only me here, I should still be able to "make a showing" as we say! A construction worker is taught that we can do anything, and after seeing some of the incredible things we build, out of basically sticks and rocks, I think it is easy to get frustrated over some stupid thing like not being able to finish installing a light fixture or whatever. (the company didn't send all the correct parts)

So, in addition to my back taking a big hit last week, my attitude got smacked too. Friday I had come home from the doctor's office, taken some meds and was trying to relax on the sofa on a heating pad as instructed. So I gathered some magazines and the phone etc. and put them by the couch. I thought I would catch up on some reading and was going through and old issue of Countryside magazine. Great homesteading mag, btw. So, after reading for awhile I found several articles where they were going on about how hard it is for a single woman to do homesteading or have anything like a small farm etc. It was almost impossible etc. So, great, that's depressing; I'll watch TV for a while, something I rarely do. I was flipping through the channels and I came across this program with a young man that was born with no arms or legs and he was going around doing all kinds of stuff and had a really great attitude about life. So, then I feel like the biggest jerk around. I thought, if I could get on the floor, I would just crawl under the rug and stay for a while!
I think when things get bad or out of hand, it is best just to get still and sit quietly to let matters settle. So, I think that is what I'm going to do with my back and the house. Often times if we will just pipe down and relax, things will work themselves out. I've got a couple of small projects I'm working on now that I am going to finish, just kind of chill, and see what happens.

*REM

Wishin' and Hopin'

Hey! I'm hoping that my readers down south (further than me!) are doing OK after Gustav! I know I have one reader in or around Prairieville, LA and Barry and his good family in Mobile, AL. Hope ya'll are safe and dry and did not incur much damage to your property.

Thanks bunches to all of you and for your wonderfully kind comments, comparisons and suggestions. I don't have much time these week nights so I may not get around to answering each comment but I do appreciate each one! I'm feeling better btw. A lot of my friends always say, "oh, Annie knows how to do anything; Annie's got it all together". Well, Annie doesn't know much actually so I do really try to learn from other people. I mean, I know a little about building and art but as far as life goes, I have always felt like I am just stumbling down a dark hallway, trying to figure out where I'm at. But you know, you can have lots of fun in the dark...or the sorta dark...or the broad daylight....uhh, what was I talking about? Anyway! Ha! Hopefully I'll be back soon with a decent post and maybe some photos of something.


*Dusty Springfield: If you've never given Dusty a listen, do yourself a favor and check out some of her music. A true classic.

Time of the Season

Edited: I am going to sound like a completely ungrateful butthead in this post but please know that lack of gratitude is not the problem. I am extremely thankful for everything and I'm not asking for sympathy. I'm not going to delete this post either because I think it is just an accurate record of what happens sometimes in life.

The title here may be appropriate for more than one reason if any of you remember that old song. Anyway, I noticed the phenomenon you see in the photo above this Saturday morning. I know it was not there last weekend but since I leave home well before sunrise during the week, I am not sure exactly what day the sun started making it presence known, though it is very recent. So, you know what this means. Summer is winding down quickly. By 10:00 a.m. this little streak is gone as the sun has moved over enough to be blocked by trees but it is dropping lower in the sky. It was very early in the morning and I had gone out onto the deck to enjoy some coffee and look around. I turned to go back inside the house for something and I saw it. It just struck me like a ton of bricks. Summers gone; I've done nothing. The progress on the house is just limping along. The yards grown up, the garden is in shambles and I'm too tired to do anything.
Yesterday was not a particularly good day. I mean, the weather was nice but my spirits lately have just taken a direct hit. Well, actually that's been going on for some time but it just seemed to culminate this weekend when I was struck with how late in the year it is. I am at a loss as to what to do. I'm just not getting anywhere. I've lost my appetite; for lots of things. Things are not making sense to me anymore. I realized that I probably went in the hole on the garden this year. What meager food it produced (because I didn't have time to attend to it) didn't come anywhere near the cost of preparing and planting it. I have not been able to put anything up from it. Two quart bags of green beans and some dried peppers just don't count. I look around and I think 'what the hell am I doing". I have all these big, pompous statements on my sidebar about living an ecological life and I'm not doing squat. Yeah, I buy organic and use natural cleaning stuff I make myself; well, big deal.
I bought three beautiful ducks to help with pest control and to start the process towards acquiring animals for food etc. I had them in a fenced area, I thought protected, but some creature, dog or coyote, broke through the fence and ate them. Broke the electric fence and tore the hog wire up to get to them. So, I'm going to have to build a avian Alcatraz if I want to keep any chooks or anything and I've got lots of time for that.
I cannot handle this much land and finish this house by myself. I've looked into changing jobs. I've talked with everyone I know about my options on that. My company has asked me to teach in the apprentice program and I thought maybe that could turn into something but now we have no first year students to teach because we have downsized so. Physically I can not continue to do the work I do much longer. Even the guys at work are getting concerned. They worry over me and fuss but I don't know what to do. I have to keep the income in order to buy materials for the house but I rarely have time to put said materials up. Winter is coming and I have to get the new heater installed in the basement.
Why did everything work out for me so perfectly to acquire this land and be able to build on it, only to see everything disintegrate because I don't have time or ability to complete what I've started? It seems like every door I come to slams in my face. I've been through stuff like this before and I know that right when it seems that you've done all you can do, something will just suddenly create the perfect condition to work everything out but that's not happening now. I'm past what I thought was the end of the rope. There seems to be absolutely no purpose to what I am doing. I am not doing myself any good and am sure not able to be of any good to anyone else! I can't help anyone around me and showing this house and land isn't doing anyone a bit of good because there is nothing to show.
I'm sorry this is such a downer post but that's just the way I feel right now. And I am so grateful for what I have; that's why I want to use it for some good, but it's like, I can't even do that. To think that I was given all this and all my abilities also, just for my benefit, is disgusting. That cannot be right. I'm trying to keep going, keep putting one foot in front of the other. Do something every day even if it is just to pull a few weeds or sweep off the porch but I'm lost. I don't even know what else to say.


*The Zombies