My plan was to have this great new post about what all I've done since the last one (since it's been a while) and how incredibly well things are working out now! Instead, I've had some rather interesting side effects from all the steroids, threw my back out in addition to my "butt joint" and topped it off by getting bit by a spider today!! Yay me!
Have I mentioned how sick I am of all this? And all that crap about 'what doesn't kill you will make you stronger..' Mmm yeah. I'm plenty strong enough now, m'kay. Thanks.
I was actually sort of enjoying the initial steroid side effects; the great mood I was telling ya'll about a few days back. Yeah! That was great! Had a little hyper hyper going on there...which, considering what a slug I have been the past year or so, was great. I could deal with that. Then I realized my blood pressure was running like 160/105. Oooh, not good. It has come down a fair amount but unfortunately, so did my mood!! What fun!! Insomnia! Panic, anxiety and best of all....paranoia!! I finally had a lightning bolt of clarity during one 3:00 a.m attack and realized all this lined up with the steroid shots, meds and inhaler. I knew steroids had some bad side effects but didn't realized it could do that, so I looked up some research in various medical journals....what d'ya know!?? 80% of people given steroids in large doses have psychological repercussions. Holy shit Batman! Cancel the pelvic injection. No way in HELL I am going to get that now. Poor Jack is still sleeping with the covers pulled way up around his neck.
So, now I'm back to just mechanically trying to ease the pain. In other words, I don't sit down unless I have to. I showed ya'll how Jack helped me fix my wheel so I could throw standing up and that works great. He also fixed my computer desk so I can use my 'puter standing up if I like. Even got me some anti-fatigue floor mats so my feets don't get too sore. So, I threw enough to do a firing but had to change out one element in the kiln before I could do that. We partially dissembled the kiln so I wouldn't have to bend over very much to replace the element. And guess what?...I still threw my lower back out!! God I love the excitement of my life! With Jack's help I actually managed to get the kiln fixed, put back together, loaded and fired. All while shuffling around like a pissed off Quasimodo. Now I can't sit down and can't stand up straight!! And, I'm out of muscle relaxers!! All I can say is thank God for Benedryl and Xanax. Now, ya'll know I hate to take prescription drugs but sometimes you just have to say, fuck it. I break the Xanax down into forths but I've been carving those things up with pharmacological precision.
Now then. We get to today and I managed to get the bisque fire unloaded and was working on wiping down the pieces in preparation for waxing the feet and all for glazing. Oh, and all this weekend my one big store has called every. day. to let me know they are really needed stuff. No pressure or anything though. So, I'm wiping pots and have some tunes going on the radio that, once again, Jack fixed for me, when something grabbed my finger when I grabbed up the next mug to clean! I don't know what is it but it hurts and it was just a thousand wonders I did not sling the mug and everything else across the room as I screamed and, of course, jerked upright and caused my back to commence killing me again. I looked down on the floor and it was a damn spider!! That little shit had grabbed my finger with all he was worth and proceeded to bite the living hell out of it. Believe it or not I did not squish it's little body into oblivion. I trapped his sorry ass in a glass and proceeded to scare the shit out of it! Nah, just kidding. I did capture it so we could look it up and make sure it was not poisonous and that my whole left arm was not going to rot off. And yes, it was my left hand and I am left-handed. So, after applying some sting medicine, and it did feel just like a bee sting, we determined that it was just a wolf spider and I took it out to a stump near the edge of the woods. It turned to look up at me and raised it's 2 front legs in a defiant salute. I saluted back with a double one finger and warned it to stay away from the house from now on.
And now, I sit. Well, sort of. Actually, I kind of list to port. Sore all over with a stinging, hurting thumb. Until tomorrow, when I get to go have my annual pelvic exam...better known as the Pap smear. That's right...after all this shit, I have an appointment tomorrow to let another doctor scrape cells out of my hoohaa and mash my boobs in a machine.
So, I know this is Life's twisted way of testing me....or punishing me....however you want to look at it. It is not lost on me. I spit my disdain. I fart in it's general direction. I will endeavor to persevere. But there better be a damn golden egg waiting out there for me or some shit. Sack of money... lottery win. I'm not choosy.