Tuesday, August 04, 2015

I Want A New Drug

I think I have crossed a new line.....yep.  I now reside in the country of NoGivaShitastan.  I have tried everything imaginable, I have worked as hard as I can to stay optimistic and yet every day I am exhausted to the point of tears and it just gets worse.  I hurt every minute of every day.  And yes, I can tell I'm hurting even in my sleep.  It wakes me up all night like a little insistent monster wanting to be fed.

I lost all desire to finish this house long ago.  It's now just a constant reminder of what I struggle so hard to do.  I refuse to say I can't finish it....but it's a far away dream.  I want to sell this whole place and move away to some nice, quiet little neighborhood in a nice, quiet little house with enough room in the backyard for 5 or 6 of my girls and Chigger.  Where I can grow a few things in a little garden and never be surrounded by imbecilic rednecks whose only hobby and desire in life is to see how many rounds they can fire off from their overly large guns that try to make up for their severe lack of manly equipment.

Maybe find a job that lets me travel a little, or at least get out of the house, and afford to go to the beach once or twice a year.  I don't want much.  Just some peace and quiet and half a day without mind-numbing pain.

18 comments:

JO said...

I sure understand where you are coming from. Went to do labs this morning. Hope by thurs there is a plan or explination for this crap. I had to take a few tylenol, and a muscle relaxer today and they take forever to work and don't last very long. But the bathroom needed a good cleaning. To get some exercise I walked around Walgreen's since it was nice and cool and spent to much firckin money on nothing. To get a halfway good night's sleep I take a few tylenol pm. Hope we both get to feeling less pain soon

deborah harvey said...

dear ER,
understand totally. it is called exhaustion, both mental and physical.

that's how our ancestors longed for a return to eden.

take some sublingual vit. B and some sublingual vit. D, then read 'the adrenal reset diet'. get it through interlibrary loan.

i am 66, waiting on a surgeon's appointment next week.
i reached my limit a long time ago and have essentially given up.

just cannot get up even a puff of hot air, much less a head of steam.

you, however, are too young for that but we all have a 'midlife crisis' of some sort.

give thanks to God every morning and ask Him to resolve everything. a way will eventually open before you.

i hope the way is beginning to open for me and my family.

hope to see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel to the mouth of the cave within the year.

there! i've cheered myself up a bit!

encourage you to keep moving and doing. forget about the house, sell it as is, and maybe rent an apartment for a while?

friends are moving to either alabama or louisiana soon as they retire to be near kids and grandkids. they did a lot of research into retirement friendly, low tax sites and their research led them there.

do you read 'the survivalist blog' by m.d.creekmore? or 'rural revolution' by patrice lewis?

sometimes can be uplifting seeing how others are coping and even prospering.
also try 'thoughts from frank and fern'.

love your website.

God bless you and make His face to shine upon you, and show you the way.

deb h.

Sixbears said...

Looks like you figured out what you do want. Might be worth considering.

Sucks waking up due to pain all the time. Cuts into that rest we need to feel halfway human.

Hermit's Baby Sis said...

Wow, not like what we usually hear from you, Annie. Even when we knew things were bad, guess you were outing a happy face on for us out here in the blogosohere.
I'm so sorry to hear just how bad it really is. And sorrier still that I did not pick up on it earlier. I'll join my blessing s and prayers to Deb's, and hope to hear things are looking up in the future.
And yes, we love you , even when you're complaining ...
Giving you a virtual hug (cause a real one would hurt too muc) ~

Ed said...

Check the little town first. Mine just enacted an ordinance allowing only 6 chickens per house only if they are 100 feet away from the neighbor, 50 feet away from your house and 10 feet away from a property line. The building must be completely enclosed to spec and movable. On top of that you have to pay $60/year to license them.

ErinFromIowa said...

I hear ya girlfriend. I had some good days here recently. Took advantage of them as best I could. Now I am taking a long rest before I get up and make a simple supper. My youngest daughter will be joining me. Sending you positive and healing thoughts Annie. (virtual hugs)

Podunk Paul said...

Sorry things are so tough and wish there was something I could do other than sending you thoughts of love and admiration.

David The Good said...

The nice thing about those rednecks and their guns: the zombies from the city have to get through them first before they get to you.

deborah harvey said...

just a thought.
lots of my tiredness and joint pain were from gluten.
pull up PBS special featuring dr. john la puma
that is how i discovered the family disease which had variously been diagnosed as diverticulosis, irritable bowel syndrome, irritable bowel disease and colitis.

if gluten is the culprit try going off casein, too. sometimes difficulty with one indicates difficulty with the other.

just a sudden thought.
can be one of several factors all of which must be addressed to get relief.

edifice rex said...

Hey Jo! Yah, I know you get it and I really hope you get to feeling better soon. I actually sleep pretty good but it doesn't relieve my fatigue. :(

Hey Deb! thank you for your prayers; I appreciate it.

Hey Sixbears! Yeah, I sleep hard but am never rested. bleh! It's worth considering but I know me well enough to know not to be rash. Sometimes it's my pain talking. ha!

Hey Sis! thank you very much; I do appreciate the good wishes and hugs! I'm a bit better today, Yesterday was just very rough.

Hey Ed! Oh, I would check it all out well if I was to really decide to do it. That decision would take a LOT of thought.

Hey Erin! thank you! and I'm so happy to hear you've had some good days! Here's hoping for more!

Hey Paul! thank you..and your kind words help more than you might imagine.

Hey David! good to hear from you. Well, normally I would agree with you but in the case of my closest (and most irritating neighbor), he is one we would have to watch out for in that type situation. He is the potential to become a problem because he doesn't prepare...just shoots. I have no problem generally with guns or rednecks (or I'd have never married Jack). I do have a problem with truly stupid people with a hyper sense of entitlement that have guns.



Sal said...

Meant to tell you a week ago- turned my calendar to August to see a most beautiful photo of sunflowers- what a treat!! Thank you! Positive thoughts and healing energy winging your way to do with as you will.

edifice rex said...

Hey Paul! I don't know why your comment is not here? Anyways, thanks for the link and info; you are actually not the first person to suggest meditation and I don't mind helpful advice from someone who has actually read all my posts and knows what I've tried or not tried.
I actually do a sort of meditation now; it's more like "directed prayer" but it's very similar. I'll write more about it later.

Hey Sal! thank you! So glad you are enjoying the calender! I like the sunflowers too.

molly said...

Annie there is nothing worse than living in pain every moment of the day, no wonder you are feeling this way! I know you have tried just about everything known to mankind but a couple of questions: have you tried or considered a referral to a neurologist for the pain pathway and because we Aussies only hear a little about Lyme disease here would that be a consideration?

Like you I think everything is worth considering and I hope for you some resolution soon, my prayers are with you :)

edifice rex said...

Hey Molly! good to hear from you! Oh, yes, I'll consider most everything too. So, yes, I have been to one of the best neurologists at one of our very good teaching hospitals. One of the first things he tested me for was Lyme disease but it came back negative. We are pretty sure it's the Ankylosing Spondylitis but there is no specific test for that. He also sent me to a pain management clinic which basically did nothing. They did offer to burn the nerves out in my SI joint but that was about it.

molly said...

Ugh, I hear you. I have spondylolithesis. I have learnt that natural doesn't cut it unfortunately, so I take anti-inflammatories, muscle relaxant and pain relief when I have to. Some days I only need one of those meds, others I need them all.

The best results recently are coming from using a chiroprator, accupuncture and a set of exercises, sounds contrary to everything that goes on in the body, however it really does reduce things by about 80% for me most days.

Worth a shot?

deborah harvey said...

the test for lyme is often negative, even while you are dying from it.
daughter has the damned stuff.
don't let the test results determine your course of action.
our doc retired this year [boo hoo-- saved my child's life] but he recommended this one. see if you can get a recommendation from dr. su for a good doc nearish to you. his office staff are lovely and sympathetic.
lots of people treating it but not all are what i call legitimate.

Doctor Mark Su
255 Low Street
Suite 303
Newburyport, Massachusetts 01950
FAX 978-225-0379

Phone 978-225-0378

a good lyme doc will ask questions and diagnose with his brain, not from an inconclusive useless expensive blood test.

love ya

deb harvey

Beatrice P. Boyd said...

Suckiness all around, Annie, and sorry to read that the pains never let up for long. It took me a second or two to get the pill message, but it was damm funny. Somehow, I get the feeling you would really miss your place if you had the chance to move, but you do have a lot of work in your yard and house...been there and done that and this apt living suits us just fine. Of course, our VA home remains unsold and so we make trips there to do maintenance and yard projects.

edifice rex said...

Hey Molly! Oh, I feel for you truly. I have to take all those things sometimes too; some times one or all. But I'm really hoping and willing to try any natural stuff. From what I've read the No-starch diet makes a lot of sense. Anyway, we'll see. I also tried a chiropractor for almost a year; it actually seemed to make things worse. And I've looked for a good acupuncturist but can't seem to find one that anyone can recommend. I would still be open to it though. And I have a long list of physical therapy exercises I do too. They do seem to help some and I walk and do other exercises as much as possible but some days I just have to save my energy for other things. I'm working on it though.

Hey Deb, Look, I do not have Lyme disease or a mid-life crisis or any other crap like that. I have Ankylosing Spondylitis and Klippel-Feil Syndrome and the signs and symptoms are quite specific. It's very obvious on my X-rays and MRIs. I have gone over all of this repeatedly in my blog posts. Please do not continue to make uninformed comments on these things when you are obviously not taking the time to read what I've written about the matter.

Hey Bea! Thanks! I thought it was a funny thing too! I think we all feel that way sometimes. Yes, I would miss this place. Not saying that I wouldn't like some other place as well... but sometimes the pain runs it's mouth too.