This photo was taken during our last week of oh, so wonderful, just warm enough weather. Yesterday and Sunday were also in that category and I relished it as much as I could but the incoming cold, wet front got the best of me and I had to "take to the bed", as some southerners would say. I stayed outside as long as I could yesterday but my head began to pound so that I finally gave it up. We had a little rain last night and today was spitefully cold and dreary, the past week's warmth a very distant memory now. I guess the abruptness of the season's change was a shock to my system and I have hurt all over like somebody beat me. I almost wish somebody would beat me. Then I could at least get in a few licks myself to help my feelings. As it is now I have nothing to take my frustrations out on. Maybe I should take up boxing...
I finished another restoration project, which I'll hopefully deliver tomorrow, but I'm still feeling a little down. I really don't know what to do. See, to make a decent living as a potter, you have to produce a huge volume of work and be able to distribute that work. Either through shows, which are very strenuous, or having other people sell it. None of the meds I've tried are relieving my pain any where near enough to allow me to sit for more than a few minutes at a time and throw. I struggle to produce enough to satisfy one store and even that store is not selling the amount that they used to. Seems like sales are down noticeably this year all around. Plus, I think I'm bored as hell with it all.
The kicker is this and it really hit me this past week: if I ever want to build the rest of my house, and I really, really do, I'm going to have to significantly raise my income level. I just cannot save enough money with these sporadic sales. And I don't think it's going to be through pottery or any job where I have to sit a lot. I can get more restoration jobs but, of course, that often involves driving a lot. Not always but some. I feel so stuck and helpless. I know there is a solution but it's eluding me at the moment. Well, the solution would be not to hurt so much, and I'm working on that, but I still have to work. Oh, and it would help if we could win the lottery...Maybe it's a combination of several things. Income that is. Restoration work when I can get it and then other art sales when I have time. I don't know, I just feel like ranting a little. And yes, I KNOW that the BFA is going to get on to me about another depressing post but I am depressed dammit!! And I feel like wallowing in it for a little while!! So you just pipe down smarty pants..!! I'll get over it in a few days.
The BFD is going to refer me to a rheumatologist I think, so maybe something will come of that. Gah!!!! I am just so frustrated and irritated and pissed off right now.!! Did I say that already? And I know I'm not alone and many, many people have it much worse than me...so I don't need reminding of that. Sometimes you just need to bitch a little, you know? I'll be back later with a happier post I swear!
7 comments:
Nothing wrong with admitting to the world that you're depressed. In fact, everything is right with doing so.
Go ahead, Annie. It makes your feel better, so it's good for you! And we don't mind - we understand. I had one of those days yesterday. Only lasted a few hours, but I was not nice to be around during that time. Anyone within earshot got a rant, and then I felt better. They just ignored me, I think. Today I am determined to go overboard the other way, and smile at eveyone, even on the phone. We'll see how that works out. Hope you are better soon..
I usually feel better after a good rant.
I would suggest that you undertake another artistic endeavor to raise some money. From what I've seen, you're really good at lots of things like stained glass, sculpture, perhaps welded sculpture, etc. But at the end of the day, I usually hear the term starving artist and not rich artist so perhaps playing the lottery might still be a good plan!
Hey Pablo! thanks. it's partially those dang steroids; they always do this.
Hey Ann! thanks! I know it'll pass in a few days. :)
Hey Ed! yeah, I usually do too. well, people like to harp on the "starving artist" but there are quite a few that actually make a good living, while they are alive even! lol! We'll keep playing the lottery too tho...
Go ahead and rant all you want it's your blog after all. Feeling miserable is a good reason to rant. But I sure hope you start to feel better.
I could come over and beat you for a while if it would make you feel better, but you'd have to promise not to fight back!
Karen
Hey Jo! thanks! a little rant every so often does help! lol!
Hey Karen! well now, that would take all the fun out of it!! at least for me! haha!
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