Ray Of Light

As I slowly carve the dense underbrush and brambles further and further from the edge of the forest surrounding my little house, I have noticed an incredible array of native shrubs and flowers beginning to emerge now that the sunlight is able to reach their roots once again. Species that I have never seen before and never imagined lived here in this valley. This is Grancy Graybeard (chionanthus virginicus) or "old man's beard" as many older people call it. There are several of these shrubs near the house as I have recently discovered. My mother recognized it when she came to visit recently and told me it's common name. Tons of flowers are also coming out such as violets, jack-in-the-pulpit, bee balm, butter weed, coreopsis and many more that I don't know right off.
One day while working in the garden, I was thinking about how all this life was blooming around here that I never knew would be here and it suddenly struck me how maybe our own lives are like this. If we cut back all the superfluous crap and stuff choking the light out of our lives, things would begin to bloom that we never knew were there. It doesn't matter if you look at this from a religious point of view or strictly philosophical because we all have way too much stuff in out lives that we think are so important, that really doesn't mean much. Too much physical and mental clutter. I mean, when we are at the end of our time here, is that 52" TV really going to matter? Or that we saw every episode of "American Idol"? But I'm not just picking on television, there are lots of things that occupy more of our finances and time than they should. Like, some people are appalled that I don't color my hair. What? Good God, if some man won't turn my way because the gray is noticeable at 10 feet then he probably couldn't handle me anyway.
I do think I work way too much sometimes. I get up at 4:30 a.m. and go to work for 8 or sometimes 10 hours, come home and work some more on this house or in the yard. I don't usually stop until time to go to bed about 9:00 p.m. I do try to get out on the weekends sometimes and attend a gallery opening or some such thing. Last month I went out on a few dates with a guy that a friend set me up with but nothing came of that. I am thinking that I may try to do a few arts and crafts shows this year just to get back out and socialize. Of course, there are some things that it's nice to indulge in a little. I like to make things and probably spend maybe a little too much money on music. I've mentioned before that I have had doubts about why I am trying to build this house this way (paying for it as I go and spending so much time on it) but I just didn't feel I had many options, so while I had the energy and money to do it, to go for it. It's a slow, hard way to go but I don't have any family or whatever that I would otherwise be neglecting so, why not? I'm glad now not to have a house payment but sometimes get very tired of never being through.

It's raining today over most of the state, a steady, soaking rain so we did not work today. I slept a little late which was nice but am frustrated because I can't work on the outside of the house! I think I will try to work on finishing the pantry walls. That is one room I have long ignored and it won't take much to finish it which would help my feelings a lot and help with some storage issues too.

* Madonna/ Ray Of Light album

she's flying, trying to remember where it all began

she's got herself a little piece of heaven

waiting for the time when earth shall be as one.