Saturday, March 29, 2014

Every Time I Itch I Wind Up Scratching You

So today I was helping Allen pack up and move some merchandise from a booth in a flea market/ antique mall type thing and I ran across a very old Glen Campbell LP.  It must have been one of his first albums and out of curiosity I went down the list of song titles, which you all know I use as titles to my blog posts.  As I read the very last one I heard the angles sing and the light shone 'round about me.  Or maybe it was just Allen telling me to hurry up any rate, as I read those words...Every Time I Itch I Wind Up Scratching You...there could not have been a more clear sign from Above.  It was the title for my next glorious post. You know, the one where I explain why I'm so looney lately and hopefully propels me back into constructive musings and actions. 
All of you that have read my blog for very long know that I am a restless spirit.  Always have been.  I love my place here in the valley and the people and creatures I share it with, but it still thrills my soul to pull out of that driveway and be on my own.  The itch is overwhelming at times and I had laid around here so long feeling like crap that I could sense the moss starting to creep up on me.  (And yes, if you're wondering, the Rolling Stones are a favorite of mine.)  But it's not just the lack of travel; it was the frustration of not being able to do some things for myself and the inability to explain to anybody why.  Other than the Klippel-Feil, I have no official name to put on what this is that has made me hurt and feel so bad this past year.  And you might say, well, what does that matter?  Well, I guess only folks that were raised like I was or have been diagnosed with something unheard of would understand.  I was repeatedly told growing up that I'd either need to stay around home my whole life or have someone else look after me.  'Don't go far because you can't make it'.  But I did make it, and I've got out there pretty damn far, and I've never asked anybody for anything.  I've been given a lot but I didn't beg for it.  So, yeah, to be able to explain to folks that are just waiting for you to stumble or looking for an excuse to say, 'well, you never should have done that to begin with!  Look at the shape you're in now!'  It does make a difference and I wanted to write about the frustrations that people in my scenario face, because I know there are lots of us out there, but it all came out wrong.  It just sounded like me whining or I was just making stuff up. So, I figured I needed a little time off.  A time to indulge me and get my head together..  I had to scratch and God knows I love a good scratch.

Now, before any of you give me a big lecture on not caring what judgmental people think..I get that and I don't really, but some of the eye-rolling and snickering can be a little trying.  If any of you out there have fibromyalgia or something similar you know what I'm talkin' about.  What was more upsetting to me was trying to explain to people that I used to work for, why I can't do some of that work anymore or why it's taking me so long.  Businesses don't care, they need their product.  And most of them are understanding but after a time, and you don't hear from them anymore, you begin to wonder or you just know you've lost another client.  Our health care system is also very frustrating.  I was SO fortunate to get to see Dr. Nabors (who shall hereafter be referred to as the BFD), something I'm truly grateful for, but then I feel like an idiot because he can't find anything and I can imagine he's wondering if I'm making all this up.  According to the tests, I'm the healthiest sick person you've ever seen!

So, long story...the frustration got the best of me.  I had to get away for a while.  I didn't actually go on any road trip but I did go out on my own some.  The sunny days have helped and I've been making more pottery.  After a while I think you just learn to work with certain limitations, if you have them.  I throw for about 30 minutes; that's about all my hips and back can stand.  Then I just get up and do something else for a while.  Then, when I feel like I can, I throw some more.  In 3 weeks I've been able to come out with 2 good firings and have delivered new work to Birmingham.  The universe also knew what I needed and I've been able to visit with several good friends lately.  I even had 2 lunches in one day with two separate friends!  These are other artists too, so it was especially nice.  I even saw some people from my old construction company.  It was, unfortunately, a funeral for one of the ladies from the office, but we all agreed she would have been thrilled at our little reunion and we talked for a long time.
One of the best things this past week though, was I got to visit with a dear friend who I have really missed the past few years.  We email occasionally but I really haven't seen him much.  He is the Guru of Grump.  The King of Crabby.  He put the 'Cur' in Curmudgeon.  He is the BFA, the Big Fancy Architect and it did me good to get to see him.  A few of you very long time readers may know he is the architect that designed this house.  He might deny that because I have had to change a few things he drew, but I think of it as his design and I'm very proud of it.  We tease each other relentlessly and that's one reason why I call him the BFA.  I've met very, very few architects of his station that would dare stoop to be friends with a lowly construction worker so we like to rag each other.  Of course, I've also done a crap load of work for him too but I wouldn't have traded a bit of it for even a shiny, new, straight-claw Estwing.  Well, all except that time I had to climb up in his attic in the summer and block some holes the squirrels in getting in through.  That sucked! *ahem*.  Anyway...

So, I hope to be posting some useful info soon.  I'm trying hard to get back to my old self.  I'm gettin' the itch really bad to finish this portion of the house too, so hopefully I'll have something to show on that before long.!
The spring garden is planted but it's still so cool here it's not doing much.  Well, other than the rhubarb!  That might take over the house this year at the rate it's going. 


Sal said...

You do what you have to do and we'll keep clicking on Edifice Rex to see if anyone's home. No worries, no excuses, no appologies.

Beatrice P. Boyd said...

Like Sal said, you do what you can and when and how you can. There are no apolgies needed for not getting something done, and that especially goes for posting. Glad to rad that you got out and had great visits with friends. That's always an upper for me, but unfortunately, my best friends live in several different states. So visits are few and far between.

JO said...

Sure glad your feeling better and doing what you can and knowing when to stop and move on to something else for a bit. I know how it gets when you can't find the right term or they just can't find anything wrong.

I never did get to see the specialist as they canceled yet another apt. and still have not rescheduled. today the pain in my left shoulder is a real well you know. But life as we know must go on.

Ed said...

I would guess if you were in another era, you would be the one setting off in a ship to discover new worlds.

Pablo said...

Everything you post is useful in some way. I love your long, reflective posts.

texasann said...

Annie - Sal said it well, but it's always a delight to hear from you. So glad you are up to doing some things, and looking forward to more good news soon!

edifice rex said...

Hey Sal! thanks! it's a deal!

Hey Bea! Well, even here I don't get to see mine as often as I'd like. I live way out in the sticks to them! lol! But I do get to visit some.

Hey Jo! Crap! they cancelled? Wish you could find maybe a different specialist that would keep appointments. Yeah, I know how it is and we just have to keep keeping on.

Hey Ed! Yeah, probably! or at least on Lewis and Clark's trip!

Hey Pablo! Aww, thanks!

Hey Ann! thanks! I'm looking forward to it too.

Kenneth Price said...

Thanks for summing up many aspects of all our lives. Glad to have you back. I've missed your blogs.

ErinFromIowa said...

Team Rhubarb!