Monday, March 09, 2015

Favorite Kind Of Pain

So, things have eased up here quite a bit.  Heck, we even had 2 whole days of gorgeous spring weather, as you can see from the photos, and that always helps just about anyone's outlook.  Of course, now it's raining and gloomy as all hell and plans to be for the next 6 days....but I made it through, what I hope was the last bad cold spell, so things are looking up.  Oh! and thank you to those few who emailed or commented here.  I truly appreciate it.  I learned the hard way a long time ago after my brother's suicide and my own bad times that most people will abandon you when things get rough.  Even those you think really love you, so I have a special gratitude for any that leave a kind word or two.  It's not that people don't care (mostly) but that they just don't know what to do or say.  I understand that.  And to those that think maybe I should just suck it up and not talk about it....well, those can kiss my ass.  There are so many people out there now that suffer with chronic pain and/ or depression, even in infrequent bouts, that I'll write about whatever helps me or helps somebody else not feel alone.  Anybody thinks I ought to find some spiritual, intellectual gift in pain and suffering and write about that can also kiss my ass.  Pain sucks.  Chronic pain really sucks.  Go get your own damn blog if you don't like what I have to say.  Now I do have some spiritual beliefs but sometimes there is no "answer", there is no uplifting message to be learned through writhing in pain all night long.  When it hurts like that bad things come out of your mouth sometimes.  Months and months of that kind of pain makes LOTS of bad things come out of your mouth.

I have to admit though, I did find it somewhat fascinating to eventually see what was going on.  You see, last Tuesday and Wednesday was the start of a brief warm spell with Wednesday ending up quite warm; near 70F.  I felt pretty good considering.  I was still getting over the crud but had made good progress.  Then our southern weather kicked in.  Thursday morning started out fairly warm but the temps started falling quickly and by that evening it was COLD.  Low 20s I think.  As soon as the temps started falling I started hurting in my legs and hips.  Like I said, it was almost fascinating....I could literally feel the temperature falling and at the same time could feel the pain rising up my legs and expanding in every direction in my hips.  The aching, through the bone kinda hurt where you can't sit or lay still.  And of course, I could feel my mood slowly draining away just like the warm weather.  I have often felt the weather affect me and have written about it.  Low pressure systems often bring headaches etc.  But this was soooo fast and so...tangible.  Of course, at the time I didn't really make the connection, but I did understand that, even for me, it was a very abrupt change in attitude.  The next morning a lady in a KFS support group I belong to posted an article about the connection between chronic pain and depression.  It was very interesting and I did some more reading on it.

Now, many folks would probably scoff about something like that...(mostly people that don't have to deal with pain) and there have been numerous studies done on the subject.  THIS is one I found particularly interesting.  In lots of cases depression seems to cause the pain but there are also as many cases where it's the other way around and many where it all eventually becomes so intertwined they are not sure which is causing the other.  I'll readily admit I have always had an issue with occasional low moods or melancholy.  I would not call it depression back then.  But then, I have also had some issues with pain even when I was a teenager. They just said it was "growing pains" you know.  I did pretty good in my late teens and early 20s but then my brother offed himself so things kinda went to hell for a while.  I seemed to regain my footing through most of my 30s, although I did have an occasional rough spot, and then things kinda started crapping out again as I hit my 40s and they found enough degradation of some bones and joints to have started showing up in X-rays and such.   As one doctor recently told me, it's at least very easy to see now where my pain is coming from!  No question about that, he said.  Well, that's nice I guess.

Through it all lately though, I have just learned to ride it out.  Just like the weather changes, my mood will too!  Laugh about it while you're up and just try to seclude myself when it's down.  I find that reading about the subject helps too.  Being informed about what is happening to you does a lot to calm a mood and get rid of that, "this is the end of the world" kinda thinking.  That, and eating chocolate.... and sex, if I can talk Jack into getting near me without fear of me biting his throat out and my hips don't hurt too badly.  Ha!!  And , if all else fails, a blistering rant about whatever I fancy.  Hey, whatever works.


ErinFromIowa said...

I hear ya Annie. I am such a Pollyanna that if I start getting grumpy from the pain/weather thing... folks scatter. Lol
However! It's time to acknowledge my personal harbinger of spring. Annie! Every year since I started reading your blog you let me know I've made it thru winter. That spring is on its way!

ignatz said...

Always like to read you no matter the tell it like it is, few holds barred.
Chronic pain is a bitch!
But spring still springs, hope is always there, even if it's hiding in the loo.

Ed said...

Growing up, I never understood depression and even now, I'm sure I don't understand it as well as I should. But I do know several people, including you that suffer from it and it seems very real and debilitating. I sincerely hope that one day, someone will be able to cure whatever is causing it be it pain, genetics or a chemical imbalance. The world would be a better place.

HermitJim said...

My friend, I know that you can handle most of what comes your way, and I like the fact that you tell it like it is. I really feel that getting things out in the open and talking about them sometimes helps the healing process. Enough to where it is a bit more manageablle.

Even those of us that don't always comment feel for ya and want only the best for your team, ya know?

So rant or rage all ya want...I don't mind a bit! I'll still be here as will many others!

edifice rex said...

Hey Erin! haha!! goodness! to be rated right up there with the robins and crocus is truly special! lol! thanks!

Hey Page! thanks! I think sometimes it's hiding further than the loo! or you have to chase it down and jump on it!!

Hey Ed! Man, you are lucky as hell; never known depression or a headache! well, really, I'm still not sure I would classify what I go through as real depression, because it's over with so fast. And my understanding is that true depression lingers for months or so. Now, mine does return frequently but I never lose enjoyment in life and people. I just get very very discouraged. lol! Anyway, it doesn't matter; it's close enough. And yes, I hope one day a cure or something close is found.

Hey Jim! good to hear from you! I feel that way to. More people should just be honest and talk about stuff. thanks!

Island Rider said...

I hear you. Been there, doing that. Looking for the joy is harder at times, but it is still there. Keep looking.

JO said...

Love the pretty flowers and birds makes me happy all the way here in Tucson.

I understand your feelings and yes rant all you want if it helps. Have you ever thought or tried spandex pants. My hands have gotten really bad and I use the spandex gloves now. I can't believe how well my hands feel right away. I have be crocheting a lot so I ordered new ones with half fingers. Just a thought. Things don't work the same for everyone.
But oh when the weather goes bad I'm hurtin.

Ed said...

I'll donate my brain to science when I die but I'm hoping it is too late to do you any good!

edifice rex said...

Hey IR! I will! yes, it's there, just hard to find sometimes.

Hey Jo! No, i have never tried or even thought of spandex pants. I have seen the gloves and socks for people with bad arthritis though. That's certainly a thought. I'll look around at some of the sporting goods stores.

Hey Ed! Yeah, I'm hoping that would be too late too! :D

Podunk Paul said...

There aren't any easy answers, but Langston Hughes' "Mother to Son" sort of keeps me going through the rough spots. It might do something of the same for you:

Well, son, I’ll tell you: Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.
It’s had tacks in it, And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor—
But all the time
I’se been a-climbin’ on, And reachin’ landin’s,
And turnin’ corners,
And sometimes goin’ in the dark
Where there ain’t been no light.
So boy, don’t you turn back.
Don’t you set down on the steps
’Cause you finds it’s kinder hard.
Don’t you fall now—
For I’se still goin’, honey,
I’se still climbin’,
And life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.

Keep up the good fight, Annie.

Beatrice P. Boyd said...

Rant all you want cause as you said, it's your blog. Sure, you do tell things like they are from your perspective and that's OK whether others share your views or not. I read other blogs where folks shy away from a lot of hinesty and only "paint pretty pictures" or show onky good things. Life is not always like that, fact is that sometimes things just suck. If that's how you are feeling, it's OK to share and I appreciate yiur doing so, Annie.

westside mom said...

I LOVE chocolate!!! That said, I have found that eating a slooow home cooked chicken broth in the crock pot has been really great for my joint pain and depression. Turns out food can make you sick. Or better said it can cause joints to get old faster in some of us more than others. I highly recommend this book: by Sally Fallon Morell.