Favorite Kind Of Pain

So, things have eased up here quite a bit.  Heck, we even had 2 whole days of gorgeous spring weather, as you can see from the photos, and that always helps just about anyone's outlook.  Of course, now it's raining and gloomy as all hell and plans to be for the next 6 days....but I made it through, what I hope was the last bad cold spell, so things are looking up.  Oh! and thank you to those few who emailed or commented here.  I truly appreciate it.  I learned the hard way a long time ago after my brother's suicide and my own bad times that most people will abandon you when things get rough.  Even those you think really love you, so I have a special gratitude for any that leave a kind word or two.  It's not that people don't care (mostly) but that they just don't know what to do or say.  I understand that.  And to those that think maybe I should just suck it up and not talk about it....well, those can kiss my ass.  There are so many people out there now that suffer with chronic pain and/ or depression, even in infrequent bouts, that I'll write about whatever helps me or helps somebody else not feel alone.  Anybody thinks I ought to find some spiritual, intellectual gift in pain and suffering and write about that can also kiss my ass.  Pain sucks.  Chronic pain really sucks.  Go get your own damn blog if you don't like what I have to say.  Now I do have some spiritual beliefs but sometimes there is no "answer", there is no uplifting message to be learned through writhing in pain all night long.  When it hurts like that bad things come out of your mouth sometimes.  Months and months of that kind of pain makes LOTS of bad things come out of your mouth.

I have to admit though, I did find it somewhat fascinating to eventually see what was going on.  You see, last Tuesday and Wednesday was the start of a brief warm spell with Wednesday ending up quite warm; near 70F.  I felt pretty good considering.  I was still getting over the crud but had made good progress.  Then our southern weather kicked in.  Thursday morning started out fairly warm but the temps started falling quickly and by that evening it was COLD.  Low 20s I think.  As soon as the temps started falling I started hurting in my legs and hips.  Like I said, it was almost fascinating....I could literally feel the temperature falling and at the same time could feel the pain rising up my legs and expanding in every direction in my hips.  The aching, through the bone kinda hurt where you can't sit or lay still.  And of course, I could feel my mood slowly draining away just like the warm weather.  I have often felt the weather affect me and have written about it.  Low pressure systems often bring headaches etc.  But this was soooo fast and so...tangible.  Of course, at the time I didn't really make the connection, but I did understand that, even for me, it was a very abrupt change in attitude.  The next morning a lady in a KFS support group I belong to posted an article about the connection between chronic pain and depression.  It was very interesting and I did some more reading on it.

Now, many folks would probably scoff about something like that...(mostly people that don't have to deal with pain) and there have been numerous studies done on the subject.  THIS is one I found particularly interesting.  In lots of cases depression seems to cause the pain but there are also as many cases where it's the other way around and many where it all eventually becomes so intertwined they are not sure which is causing the other.  I'll readily admit I have always had an issue with occasional low moods or melancholy.  I would not call it depression back then.  But then, I have also had some issues with pain even when I was a teenager. They just said it was "growing pains" you know.  I did pretty good in my late teens and early 20s but then my brother offed himself so things kinda went to hell for a while.  I seemed to regain my footing through most of my 30s, although I did have an occasional rough spot, and then things kinda started crapping out again as I hit my 40s and they found enough degradation of some bones and joints to have started showing up in X-rays and such.   As one doctor recently told me, it's at least very easy to see now where my pain is coming from!  No question about that, he said.  Well, that's nice I guess.

Through it all lately though, I have just learned to ride it out.  Just like the weather changes, my mood will too!  Laugh about it while you're up and just try to seclude myself when it's down.  I find that reading about the subject helps too.  Being informed about what is happening to you does a lot to calm a mood and get rid of that, "this is the end of the world" kinda thinking.  That, and eating chocolate...