My Old Addiction

Like my old addiction
Now the other side of Day
As the springtime
Of my life's time
Turns the other way
If a swan can have a song
I think I know that tune......  

 Thanks for checking in from time to time.  I'm still plugging along.  Still trying to get a hand on things and figure out my new direction.  I've been making some progress on some things and then not making progress on others. lol!  I think I have been on the Sinemet for enough time that it is relieving some of my long time pain in some areas.  But then, it seems to have just moved around in some ways too.  But hey, I guess anything different is good in a way.  A little variety at least.  My typing is slowly getting worse and I can feel the tremor in my left hand is more obvious at times.   But, the apathy and fatigue that has plagued me for so long really seems to be getting better.  Same with the brain fog.  I still have bad days of that but lots of days where it is not so bad or gone.  So, it's a mixed bag but I am happy and plugging along.  I go pretty good for 3 or 4 days and then crash but I can accomplish a fair amount in those 3 or 4 days, so I am happy with that. I do what I can.

The girls are all doing pretty good.  I finally took some new photos the other day and have a couple here.  I miss my Zuzu terribly still, but Gertie here is always a character in her own way and makes me laugh.  This chicken has had every kind of awful problem in the world but she keeps plugging along too.  Always feisty and ready to give her opinion on whatever is going on.  She's kind of my inspiration.
I've been listening to a lot of Cowboy Junkies and k.d. lang (loudly) and basically doing whatever the hell I want to do.  I was asked to judge a really great art show up in Decatur recently and that was a lot of fun.  You don't get paid but they put us (3 judges) in the Hilton and paid for all our meals, lots of free booze and snacks and a killer gift basket to take home.  Allen also went with me so that made it great fun! Kinda like the old days! He's always good to travel with and I'm sure he was happy to get away for a little while too. It was actually a very hard show to judge; lots of really, really good artists, but it was fun and a great time in a really cool town.

I even went down and poured concrete with Allen for my old sculpture professor.  He retired and is building a bronze foundry at his house, so we poured the pit and slab for the foundry.  Wasn't a lot of concrete by my old standards but it was enough to kick my ass now days.  Was fun though and I was happy to help Ted out.

I also went to visit Daddy Rabbit and his wife last month.  My oldest readers will remember that Daddy Rabbit is a superintendent that I used to work for quite a lot in the old days. We have kept in touch some over the years but I did not hear from him much while I was married.  He had a lot he was going through, health-wise etc.  But now we keep in touch more and he and his wife invited me down for the weekend.  I came back with a nice load of cool steel stuff for sculpture too!  It was a lot of fun and nice to see some friends from way back.  Lots of reminiscing.
I have put off working on my place for now in order to redo my Mom's bedroom and some of her house.  It's mostly cosmetic, so nothing really hard but it still wears me out.  But, she got to the point where she was having some pretty severe health issues due to allergies much like mine; mold etc.  I had remodeled the front part of her house years ago but had never gotten around to the back part and it is way overdue. Anyway, I hope to be finished maybe by Thanksgiving and back to working on my stuff mostly.  I had big plans for my 50th year but you know what they say about plans....God laughs.  Yep.  So, I just decided to go with the flow.  You know, just wing the hell out of it.  It's kinda hard but very freeing in a way too.  I'm fed, warm and dry.  Not much else you can ask for. Well, I could ask to not have this disease but you can crap in one hand and want in the other and see which one fills up first. ha!

Days, up and down they come
Like rain on a congadrum
Forget most, remember some
But don't turn none away
Everything is not enough
And nothin' is too much to bear
Where you been is good and gone
All you keep is the getting there

To live is to fly
Low and high
So shake the dust off of your wings
And the sleep out of your eyes.

A Whole Lot More To Me

Hey-O Folks!  I'm still kickin'.  Just thought I'd drop a quick post per the usual.  I'm doing pretty good.  Still experimenting with my prescriptions and getting the right dosage and balance for me.  I went back to my Neurologist in May for my 6 month check in and he said it was just a matter of trying different dosages and timing to see what works best because everyone is so different with Parkinson's.  I think I'm finally making a little progress though.  The stiffness and pain had gotten so bad I had to do something and basically my options are kinds limited right now to drugs and exercise.  He did give me a much stronger muscle relaxer to try but it didn't do any good.  I tried it multiple times and it just never seemed to do anything.  Well, it made me fuzzy-headed and I hate that, so unless it really helped the pain I'm not taking that.  And it didn't.  Just upping my Sinemet and trying to stay moving more often seems to have done more than anything.  The effect is not immediate; it takes several days before anything is noticeable but it does seem to be helping.

A couple of days ago Allen and I took a trip up to Guntersville to see the Outdoor Alabama photo exhibit. I just needed to get out and do something fun.  This is the exhibit that my butterfly photo won a spot in.  So that was nice.  It's no big deal but just a nice thing in an otherwise fairly crappy last year. We also had a nice, quiet meal at a restaurant in Guntersville and then went up to the lodge at the state park, which is where the exhibit is right now.  The weather was great and Guntersville State Park is super nice. We walked around the camp grounds too.  They have a nice beach and I would really like to do some camping there some day.  They have tons of hiking options and all kinds of stuff.

This was after a really horrible day in which my lovey Zuzu passed away.  She had been sick for about 2 weeks and I thought was making some progress in getting better.  Well, she had made great progress in one area but then got sour crop, which can be very difficult, and I just didn't catch it in time.  I did finally realize what was going on and treat her for it but it was too much I guess.  At least she died sudden and I did not have to put her down, thank God.  She was just the biggest personality of any chicken and was so smart and funny.  I will miss her so much.

I have taken in 2 other rescue chickens in the past couple of weeks also.  I'll tell you about those soon.  They are doing really well.  Chigger and Callie the cat are doing well also.

I was also able to get a new laptop, which has made working online infinitely easier than what I had before.  The old laptop I had ran on Windows 7 and was right on the verge of dying.  They stopped supporting 7 back at the first of the year and it was just a matter of time.  That thing was so slow it took me forever to get anything done.  Now I can go pretty fast and it has helped my sales and ways to make money online.  So, I'm doing okay.  I mean, I built a house out of my pocket...I'm not a moron and I am resourceful.  Plus, these days there are lots of avenues in making money by working at home.  I do occasionally work a little for some folks but I'm still having trouble with so much pain and fatigue that working an 8 hour job is very difficult.  At home I can rest and then work later when I have recovered some.  Of course, I hope to improve and expand my means of working but it takes some time, especially when struggling so much with feeling bad.  But I will do it.  I will keep fighting.

Another interesting note is that I recently spoke to a cousin of mine and he appears to also have Parkinson's.  He hasn't been officially diagnosed yet but it looks pretty certain. I know I have mentioned that I had 2 uncles with Parkinson's.  Well, this cousin is the son of one of those uncles' twin brother.  That make sense?  Apparently, it is heavy in our genes.  So, that's crappy.  I hope to get into some research trials somewhere in the area; probably at UAB.  They are making some great progress these days in the research and if nothing else, maybe I can be of some help there.  I've got to do something.

She's Alright

And the girls are all alright also...Sorry to have dropped off the face of the earth, somewhat.  I never really think that anybody notices but enough of y'all emailed to give me a little kick in the butt, so I thought I'd drop a little update.  Mostly I am doing fine.  During all the bullshit of the past several months I fell off on my exercising and that has been the worst thing.  It's been kinda scary to see just how stiff my legs and lungs have gotten in that short time, now that I am trying to get back into the exercise groove.  I go to see my neurologist next week and we are going to have a serious talk about pain and stiffness.  I am still having a lot of trouble with that.

Mainly I have just been kinda reclusive.  I'm not sure if it's the disease or just being completely confounded and fed up with the bullshit reactions of some folks.  It's bad enough to have to come to grips with having something like this and then to have people say you are faking it, or...oh, it's not that bad...I wouldn't worry about it...blah, blah.  I don't even know if it's hatefulness?, cluelessness?....just dumb?...it's mind-boggling.  Then the folks that think they are going to take advantage of you if you're sick...oh, you're too sick to notice what they're doing behind your back and all that. People supposed to be friends that are stealing from you. 
I tell you one thing; living in peace, without having to worry, or find out constantly, what is being done or said about you behind your back, is the greatest treasure on earth.  No amount of money is worth sacrificing that peace.  I don't care how hard things may get for me, I can live in peace and I am enjoying the hell out of it.
One thing I want to do, is to devote the rest of my life to educating folks (those that can be educated) to the realities of "invisible illnesses".  I have been just absolutely floored with the amount of ignorance and prejudice thrown at folks who are struggling with everything they have against serious diseases but because most people think "they look fine" that they must be lying or faking or whatever.  And I think, why the hell would anyone lie about having something like this??  Oh yeah, let me make all this up so I can be called all kinds of ugly names, lose my job and half my friends run off.  Yeah boy, I can see the advantage to that.  What the bloody hell???

So, yeah, I still have a bit of anger about things.  And unfortunately, writing here often brings it out. So that's one reason I guess I have put off posting anything.  And I have not yet started another blog. But I assure you, my reasons for starting another blog are still there and legit and it will happen.  And I'm still watching my photos and the person who stole them and if I EVER see them used publicly without my permission there will be some hell to pay.
I also have trouble typing a lot of days and that is very frustrating.  Some days are not so bad but some days I spend so much time correcting mistakes that it's not much worth it.

At any rate, I am doing fine overall.  I have bad days and I have some pretty good days.  Every day I am in considerable pain but I keep going.  All my critters are doing well and all are fed.  I would go without before any of my girls would, but we are all doing fine in that regard.  In fact, I've had a huge glut of eggs and been trying like crazy to sell them all.  Thankfully, with the heat, the girls are slowing down a little with their laying.
I am getting by fine.  I'm not having to live off a credit card, despite what some would probably like to believe.  I'm not "destitute" as my poor old crazy neighbor says, or bedridden as he told my other neighbor the other day.  I have only planted about half the garden this year but I've been using a lot of it as pasture for the chickens, since they have to stay fenced up a bit more these days. I do make money from various jobs (partly my art) but I am not going into that for various reasons.  It is legit work though! lol!  I have planted tomatoes, lettuce, green beans, cukes, radishes, broccoli, peppers and maybe something else. 

My 1st place photo in the Outdoor Alabama photo contest is currently touring the state along with the 41 other finalists. I was real happy about that.  Another state museum has expressed definite interest in purchasing one of my sculptures for their permanent collection.  The director basically told me that as soon as I finished the third one in this particular series, that they would buy it.  Just gotta get this rain to stop so I can finish it.  It's a welded steel piece so that's the issue.  I don't yet have a covered welding area.  But I'm working on it and will get there one day.

So, there's a bit of an update.  I hope everyone out there is doing well.  I do hope to get the new blog going before long if I can get out of this reclusive state.  I don't want to say that I have become fearful of people but I have become very untrusting.  My family has been very supportive of me and I have a couple of really good friends that have proven to be golden, but having been diagnosed with Parkinson's has shown me a side of people that I, frankly, have been shocked to see.  Just dumbfounded.  And that's taking me a bit to process and get over.

Beautiful

Some folks will never see it but that's not my fault nor my problem.

Come Calling

 Hey! Ya'll bear with me!  I am working towards setting up a new blog and will get with those that have expressed interest very soon.  Thank you so much for all the responses!  I was pleasantly surprised to see so many still reading.  I intend to reply to each email and I truly appreciate all the kind words.  I will probably post here a couple more times also.
Here's a few chicken photos to appease you until I can get new stuff going! haha!

All the girls are doing well, although I have lost a few over this past year.  My dear, sweet little Ms. Peepers died though and I am just heartbroken still.  I still miss her so much.  She was one of my "lap chickens" and loved to be petted and snuggled.  She was a character.
I am doing well and getting a lot of stuff done.  I'm still having to adjust my meds some but I think I am making progress.  I've slacked off on my exercise though...which is badbadbad and need to get back to that.  I'm staying very active but that's not the same as regimented exercise.

I am making some progress on the house but am also working on redoing some stuff on the chicken house, garden and those areas.  So, lots of stuff going on.  I have good news on the art front also that I'll tell ya'll about soon.

My poor old neighbor with dementia is getting worse but he's not causing me any trouble, although he is still trying to and weekly threatens to call the sheriff about something.  He's gotten so out of his mind though it's gone from scary and concerning to just sad and pitiful.  The last incident was that he is convinced I am sneaking into his house to steal canned mangos.  It's just sad.  He is so miserable and he hates everyone.  It's like his hate is just collapsing in on him and he lashes out at anyone he comes across.  Allen and I have known him for many years now and we don't think he was ever a particularly nice person, i.e. is family won't have anything to do with him. Now he is reaping all those years of being hateful and judgemental towards everyone because no one will go up there out of fear and due to what he has done to folks over the years....He did and said some horrible things to me but I just feel sorry for him.  I don't know that I've ever seen anyone that full of hate for so many right at the end of their life.

But, things are going well for me and I'm very optimistic.  I'm trying hard to just concentrate on improving things here and working on my health.  See y'all soon!!

Crazy Train

Due to privacy issues (that have nothing to do with things I have talked about recently) and the fact a person has been stealing my photos, this blog with be shut down.  I know that I may sound like a whackadoodle after all I've written about but I have verified this through 3rd parties, so it is unfortunately true. This person has been following me for over a year now and it is very upsetting because they have also tried to get some of my friend's personal info and I got proof recently that they are taking my photos, which I had suspected.  Since I make part of my living with my photos, I have to protect them and myself.  This decision is solely related to this person's actions and a result of my absolutely refusing to put up with even a shred of any more bullshit.  I have had it with deceptive, malicious behavior and am going through my life with a broad sword, a sieve and a torch.

The blog will still exist for the construction information, and the fact that any photos stolen here have already been got, so I'm just gonna leave most of it..  However, it will be cleaned up of many personal references and just left for the building/ gardening info.  I don't want to make it private because then it would block folks from finding relevant construction info and I still get a lot of hits for people looking for that sort of thing.  I will start a new, very anonymous blog (also about building, gardening etc.) sometime very soon, so if you want to follow along please email me at the address over to the right, at my personal email if you know it, or message me on Facebook. And I give you my solemn word that your email address will be sacred to me.  I will never disclose it to anyone.  I will explain what's happening on the new blog.  If you email me, I will verify that you are who you say you are and then send you the link.  I will also be sending out the link in an email to those of you that I have your contact info. If you do not wish to follow me to the new blog then I sincerely thank you for reading all these years and wish you the best. Cheers!

Edit:  Some folks may wonder (and I do too sometimes!) why I continue to write and share, especially some of the very troubling things.  A longtime reader sent me an email and this was one line..." your sharing your struggles in life makes my own seem easier to face..."  Okay, THIS is why I keep writing.  This is why I share.  Due to a lot of circumstances, I can't physically help many folks.  I don't have the various means.  But if I can encourage anyone to keep trying and fighting, then I will do that and the hell with anyone that scoffs at it.

There's A House In The Forest

 Just thought I'd share a few photos of the snow we had back in December, before Christmas actually.  It's kinda rare for us to have much snow before January but not unheard of.

 It was a fun, pretty snow and didn't hang around for a very long time, so that was good.

I am trying to get back into the habit of posting and hope to have many new things to share with ya'll soon!

Take care and stay warm!!

Blessing For The New Year

Beannacht: A Blessing for the New Year
“On the day when
The weight deadens
On your shoulders
And you stumble,
May the clay dance
To balance you.

And when your eyes
Freeze behind
The grey window
And the ghost of loss
Gets in to you,
May a flock of colours,
Indigo, red, green,
And azure blue,
Come to awaken in you
A meadow of delight.
When the canvas frays
In the currach of thought
And a stain of ocean
Blackens beneath you,
May there come across the waters
A path of yellow moonlight
To bring you safely home.
May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
May the clarity of light be yours,
May the fluency of the ocean be yours,
May the protection of the ancestors be yours.
And so may a slow
Wind work these words
Of love around you,
An invisible cloak
To mind your life.”
~John O'Donohue