Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Speaking Confidentially

I've been told a number of times, and even accused a couple, of my house only being built for one. I never thought that was a conscious action but over the past couple of years I have begun to wonder if perhaps it was subconscious. The house is small by most people's standards although I don' think it's unbearably small. However, I must admit, it does not contain, as one fellow put it, 'much room for a man to put his belongings.' Not much storage for a man's clothes or his personal items for the bath. Just as I always envisioned that I would one day find a permanent partner, my better half so to speak, I also imagined that there would be another half to this house. One that contains all the niceties for a couple to live together in comfort. A walk-in closet, his and her vanities and so on. But, you know that old saying, "man plans and God laughs".
And I am beginning to see more and more of myself in this one half of a house. It functions perfectly well on it's on. It's comfortable with it's one-halfness. It doesn't 'need' the other half. Granted, it would function more to the original thought if both halves were here. It would be nice to have the whole function and design of both halves. It wouldn't look so odd to most people. Both halves together wouldn't provoke uncomfortable questions from friends and strangers. Most of all, it would then be very comfortable for two people to coexist here.

It just gets so much more complicated as you get older. When you're young and you pair up, most people don't have much anyway, so there is no stepping on each other's toes over property and such. You're not so old and set in your ways. It doesn't matter as much if your sweetie wants to iron the clothes before they are put away. Sure!! go ahead! Now, after you are older, it's more like, just hang the damn things up and get them out of my way.! Iron them later! I'm not used to having 'stuff' over there! I want my 'stuff' here. My 'stuff' has always been here. Find another place for your 'stuff'. This is especially bad if you are older and have mostly been alone all your life.
I like my aloneness sometimes. But I like to have a partner to go places with. To snuggle up to at the end of the day...and so on, if you know what I mean! I like knowing I'm not here alone in the night.
Building the other half of the house would be adding a tremendous amount of effort and hard work to a project that has already about worn me out. Sometimes I don't know if I could do it. It's too hard. As old as I am just let everything stay the way it is; I don't feel like fooling with it. You know, would it really be worth all the work and sacrifice and making due at my age to have the other half? Most of the time I feel a resounding yes! Yes, if it is done right and not just something thrown together. Yes, if the two halves are actually going to work correctly together and function as one. But no, if the two halves are only going to exists as two separate entities simply joined by a common walk way. I've worked too hard for that also.


Pablo said...

Nice metaphor. You should write a novel about this very thing.

Ed said...

I was alone for a long time in my life too and used to mull over such questions. Then one day I gave up and quit wondering about those questions. Funny thing is that after I gave up, all the answers became clear.

My advice is to not worry about such things. The answer will become clear in time.

Beatrice P. Boyd said...

If you are comfortable with you "half" house as you described it, then I wouldn't be so concerned about the other half, at least for now. I agree with Ed's comment that when you give up worrying, things do seem to work out. BTW, I'm catching up on a couple days of blog reading and the broccoli and cabbage are looking darn near good enough to eat (almost). Grenville's still have a way to go in the greenhouse. Those freebies were great!

JoJo said...

WOW! You know how I feel about living alone. I know about stuff I have plenty. I don't think your house is to small even for 2. If the closet is a problem bump out a wall and make a walk in clothet easier than adding a big room. As for the bathroom well how much room does a man need in a bathroom?
If he has his own place maybe if he went home for a few days that would give you guys your space.

Now these are just my opinions and really don't matter much as others go. LOL

newcracker52 said...

I have learned that a person can make about anyplace be a home that works if they want too. I have lived on a bench, a one room apartment with our first baby, to a large house for our a family of 6 kids. A person just has to make it work. Your house is so nice, It will be a great home for more than one.

Anonymous said...

Gee, did I write that chanelling through you? No, wait, I guess not because I did not build that fantastic house in Alabama, but otherwise I sure could have written it.

The older I get, the more I see the benefits of having coupled up in one's twenties. You look great, "baggage" is minimal, you build stuff together, you don't know (or have) how much you have to lose, etc.

Of course that's just "one half" of it..... (heh). Which is probably why I am single (was "too" independent; didn't want to marry wrong person for sake of not being alone; bristled at what young women were "supposed" to do, etc. etc.). Or maybe I just didn't meet the right person?

Anyway, what you wrote today sure resonates.


HermitJim said...

As I become a little older, I notice that what's important to me now is that my inner self is comfortable.

I've learned to listen to the little voice inside that let's me know if things are good or not!

Live for yourself, while being willing to share with others, if you feel it's the right thing to do!

I wouldn't worry too much about changing things to please someone else! After all, it was you as you are now that attracted them in the first place, right?

Just my opinion, friend!

Floridacracker said...

My brother stayed single all the way up to 55. I had decided that he was too set in his ways to get married, and then a great girl swept him oof his feet, so you never know.

Anonymous said...

Just two thoughts. One, when in doubt just throw it up to the Lord and wait for the answer (don't pay any attention to the laughing in the distance). Duce, Yes we get set in our ways as we get older BUT for the right person change is possible. AND that cuddling at night,,,, well ask Beatirce :-)

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...


Watched TV show last night about guy building Tiny Houses somewhere in Texas. Sizes are mostly under 1000 sq.ft, one lady had one under 300 sq.ft. Ships them all over.

Another show said average homes in 1950s was 950 sq.ft. or so, now it is 2400 sq.ft. with a 30 year mortgage.

Maybe folks in america need to rethink what they really need rather than working for the man for 30 plus years just to pay off a big mortgage right before they retire.

As my granny used to say...enough's a plenty!


edifice rex said...

Hey Pablo! thanks! but whew, I don't know if I could write something like a novel. :)

Hey Ed! this is true; most things work out that way. Sometimes I think a little introspection is good; you know, to think, is what I have believed I wanted really what I want.

Hey Beatrice! yeah, I can't wait until the cabbages and broccoli are ready!

Hey Jojo! those are all good ideas! The post is not necessarily referring to Jack or anyone in particular, it's just sort of a mix or issues I've run across.
Unfortunately, there is absolutely no room to bump the closet out and I could actually put a little more storage in the bath for a man's things.

Hey NEw! You make a very good point and I think that's the key; if you want to make it work you can.

Hey Anon-R! hey! you're back again! :)
Yeah, there are definitely a lot more issues as you get older and the I'm afraid I'm very paranoid on top of all that! lol!!

Hey Jim! yes, your inner self being comfortable is the main thing!

HEy FC! 'you never know'; I tell ya, that has become my life mantra after seeing many things occur that I never thought would!

Hey Grenville! Very good points there!! :)

Hey Barry! your Granny was a wise lady! yes, most people should rethink what they do and want these days.

karl said...

Pah, American standards seem so ridiculous. I am sure for the right person all those worries are for naught. our little house in Missouri was less than 900 square feet—for six of us.