Thursday, August 05, 2010

Head Above Water

I have been trying for some time to get a good photo of these cows down the road from me. They have been seeking any relief they can from the heat lately and this little pond is one of their favorite tricks. It has taken me so long because I either don't have my camera with me on the days they are in or they are not there when I do have it. One other time we did sync but they jumped out about the time I got close. I think today they said the hell with it, we're staying put. Now, before anybody freaks, I've seen the little ones get in before and they always get back out okay. This is not as good a shot as what I see in my mind but it will do.

I've been thinking about that post I wrote a couple of days ago about finances and I had a few more things to say about that. First, I always feel kinda stupid writing stuff like that and here's why: I know I have several major advantages that lots of other folks would have trouble employing to build their own house and so I feel kinda silly saying, 'yeah, do this like I did!' First, I work in an industry where free material is easy to come by for us. Secondly, I am fortunate enough to be thought highly enough of by many men in higher positions so I also come by free stuff that way. The men are very generous to me. And before anybody gets all smarmy, no, I do not sleep with any of them to get it. Well, I used to sleep with Allen but that was a long time ago. Heh. Anyway, there have actually been a couple I really would have liked to have paid back that way but they really were just being nice. Thirdly, I was born with a strength advantage over many women; I know I am much stronger than a lot and this helps me build things by myself. Fourthly, I don't have the kids to pay for and this is a major thing. I can spend my money and time on whatever I want. And lastly, I just seem to have good mojo; things work out for me. One friend told me once that I was 'magic'. For instance, things just worked out that I got another acre of land that I had been wanting for $14 and I didn't even have to ask for it really. There are many more examples but for privacy reasons I can't really say, just take my word for it. I keep hoping this 'magic' will bring me a male partner (notice I did not say husband necessarily) but I think my mojo is broke in that area. Everything works out except for that! Oh well.
Anyway, I don't go around telling people how they need to live or conduct their lives but a lot of people ask me how I manage to do these things, so I will tell them in that case because I realize also that a lot of the things I have accomplished have been through sheer hard work and determination and that is something anyone can do. However, a lot of people don't want to hear that. I pains me to see how that living on borrowed money had become so ingrained in our society that the vast majority of people truly believe there is no other way. You must borrow money or you won't have anything. Now, please believe I do not look down on anyone who has a mortgage. There is nothing wrong with that if it is within your means and that's the way you want to do that. But we must relearn the fact that there is ALWAYS another way to do something. You do not have to keep doing what everyone else does. I wonder what has happened to that American spirit of enterprise and flat out gumption. A construction worker knows, there is ALWAYS a way. To be honest, a lot of it for me is this: I work way too hard for my money to give a big part of it to some filthy rich banker or corporation that wouldn't piss on my head if I were on fire. I work for Annie. That blood running down my arms some days is spilt for me and I am going to keep all of that paycheck I can to spend on things I want. Not make a payment on some CEO's Mercedes.

I also feel stupid babbling on and on about shunning some material possessions in order to focus on people and relationships. Yeah, for all the good that's done me I think sometimes I should have just been blowing my money on wine, men and song, so to speak. I've got nothing to show for all these years of trying very hard to appreciate a good partner. Hell, it's a major event if I go out on a date. I guess if nothing else I can be a warning beacon for those who are fortunate enough to have a mate. Do I sound kinda bitter? Well, sometimes I am, dammit, to be perfectly honest. I am a hell of a good woman and would treat a good man well. It kinda reminds me of the couple that most of us know. You know, the loving young couple that would make wonderful parents but by some sucking twist of fate, can't have kids. While around the corner, folks that literally should be sterilized can breed like rats. You know you've seen people like that and thought the same way. And I don't begrudge good people that have found happiness with someone, honestly I don't. I am very happy for them. I just really wonder sometimes what is wrong with me.

So, I guess that is why I don't write a lot of posts like that. I feel like a fraud on some things. I honestly believe in these things I preach but I realize nothing in my life works like most other people's do, so I wonder if I can really have anything to offer someone else, even advice.


ErinFromIowa said...

I keep hoping this 'magic' will bring me a male partner but I think my mojo is broke in that area.

I respectfully disagree. The right fella for you just hasn't shown up yet. That is what I think. ;)

tammy (grendel fan) said...

I totally agree on the money issues. Too many people want it now and aren't willing to wait and sacrifice. It would be awful if their friends and family saw them live in an "unfinished" home because they are working on it. They would be considered "poor".

On your man issues. Maybe you are looking in the wrong places. The type of men that you work with or know through them etc.. might not be the type of man you should date. Look where you wouldn't think of looking. For example - book clubs, intellectual groups, art shows or classes, university, and don't afraid to be a cougar.

edifice rex said...

Hey Erin! well, I appreciate that but I'm still skeptical. ;)

Hey Tammy! Oh, believe me, I've tried all that and I do meet a fair number of white collar men through work too. I get out and go to all kinds of functions and places; I do not just sit around here but when most non-construction men find out what I do for a living they leave skid marks getting away.

Beatrice P. Boyd said...

Writing abut your feelings, opinions and thoughts is never a bad thing to do. Learning more about each other is the reason blogging has such an appeal for me. There is no right or wrong in our personal choices - they are our own to make.

edifice rex said...

Hey Beatrice! I think that is a major reason blogging appeals to me too.

Loretta said...

We ALL want to feel loved, desired, and attractive. No matter our age. No matter our situation. No matter our expanding waistbands or newly found gray hairs. We as women, or maybe just as human beings, have an internal, natural, instinctive “need” to be with a mate. Just to have someone we are equally attracted to, say, “I think you are pretty.” It feels really nice. You will find him yet!

edifice rex said...

Hey Loretta! yes, it does feel really nice. you are exactly right about all the other too. Except maybe me finding him part, but you never know! lol!