I'm So Open

I get a lot of comments of people saying they are amazed at how honest I am on this blog and I find that observation interesting or compelling. Maybe it's just them trying to find a nice way to say, "you're freakin' crazy to tell some of the stuff you do!" lol! I don't know but that's okay if they are thinking that. I find the observation interesting because I don't think of myself as being all that open or I think other bloggers, some of who make this comment to me, seem to be very honest themselves. I'm guessing what prompts people to say this is the fact that I will tell you all the defeats and discouragements as well as my victories. Of course, Southerners are well rumored to hide some of the most hideous truths behind immaculate table manners and social graces. And in my life I must admit to actually seeing this on several occasions. Hey, maybe that's it; I'm completely lacking in the social graces so I don't have the wherewith all to try to present myself as something I'm not.
I think basically I just don't see the point in presenting only a rose-colored view of myself if I want to make any real connection to people. Oh, I could get up here and act like I'm some kind of Martha Stewart/ Rosie the Riveter mutation and that I never mess up, break anything or have any other problems. But what would anybody learn from that? Oh, I know there are plenty of blogs that do that and that's fine; most of them are really good for technical knowledge. But what about heart knowledge? You all know as well as I do that the poor soul that has been through the mill is always a much more respected adviser than the little goody-two shoes that has seemingly never had any problems in their life. Hey, I'm willing to show how screwed up things are here because I want to show if I can get through it and still make something of it then any one of you out there can too. Life is a screw up. But you have to keep trying. I think a lot of times though I am talking to myself more than ya'll and I truly appreciate your encouragement.

I realize I don't have to tell you about my health problems or my frustration at not being able to get laid but hey, that's part of real life too and it kinda makes for some funny stories. There may be one other person out there that might read something I write and say, "thank God I'm not alone or at least I'm not that bad off!" and feel better about themselves. That is fine with me. If nothing else maybe I can make you laugh and shake your head. That girl's so silly! Heh!
Another part of it is from something I remember from when I was young. I was in junior high and, like I told ya'll, we had to take a half a year of home ec. and the other half in shop. Well, we built rockets in shop and mine just happen to fly the farthest and in home ec. we made aprons but my Mama had already taught me how to sew, so mine came out a little better than some of the other girls. Now, there was a very popular cheerleader in my class and one day when she saw my apron she threw hers down in disgust and blurted out, "this is not fair! you can make anything and the rest of us can barely put any of it together.!" I was shocked at first that she noticed what I could do but what she didn't realize is that I would have traded any number of my physical talents back then to have had whatever it was that made people....likable or popular. I mean, I had plenty of friends in school and such but was considered very different and somehow this was not always good. I still find myself thinking sometimes now that I would trade some of the things I can do for whatever it is that makes people more approachable or whatever. I'm not going to say 'normal' because that is not it but you know, not so odd. Many times in my adult life I have had women tell me, "Oh, I wish I could do what you do". Yeah well, maybe you do, maybe not. A lot of people we admire often feel less than adequate about many things themselves. I believe I lack something in my disposition that makes people 'attach' to me. I think some people think I will look down on them because they cannot do some of the things I can. Even some men. That's just such bullshit. Most of the time I wish I could do something they can. So, my point for telling some of my social catastrophes is just to say don't be jealous because I can weld and do all this other crap, because I am lacking many of the things that really make life worthwhile. Is anybody really going to remember and give a shit that I built this house when I'm gone? But I'm betting your kids and grand kids will remember all the great times and love you gave them, so don't put yourself down because maybe you can't get the hang of soldering copper pipe or knitting a sweater. Being Ms. (or Mr.) PerfectCrafty isn't always what it's cracked up to be. Let me tell you about this: you know I went shopping and I bought a cute little yoga tank top. Fits kinda snug and sexy like. Rarr! So, I try this thing on when I get home and yeah, it fits good, so I go to take it off and there's where the problems start. Now, my shoulders and upper body are a lot more muscular than most women's and yeah, it looks nice but I've paid for it. I got this way partly through hard work and now my joints don't work so good. So, I get the top up around my head, with my arms wrapped up in there too, and I literally can't pull the top off, so I'm stuck. My shoulders are just too weak in that position trying to pull. Now I'm practically rolling around on the damn floor trying to extricate myself from this stupid top and Grendal is running around nervously making little noises because I guess she thinks I'm suffocating and I just start laughing. I could just imagine if this had been in some 'heat of the moment' kinda thing with some gorgeous man. I'll tell ya, I've never had trouble getting my clothes off before in that situation! He would have thought I was some kind of freak. 'Course, I guess he would have been helping but still...it was ridiculous. I finally ended up pulling it down and stepping out of it.

Anyway, all I'm saying is that everybody's life has validity and purpose and we should not be ashamed of ours, warts and all and share if we feel comfortable doing so. My hope is that someone out 'there' can find something of use in my bungled up, often times funny way of looking at life.


*Cowboy Junkies