Friday, May 01, 2009

Burn My Heart To Stone

First off, thanks to all for the well wishes and offers of help and support from you local bloggers, Karen and Linda and everybody. I'm doing better and I think everything is OK. I had to have a stress test done on Wednesday and it came out fine. I really never got a definite answer from the doctor about the EKG that showed a heart attack. They actually ran it twice and compared it to the one I had last year. It was different and consistent with a MI. So, after the stress test the Doc said he felt everything was OK (no blockage, no damage) but couldn't be sure that I did not have one. I feel much better now but still have some spells of my heart skipping, which for me is normal.
This past year I have been finding these heart shaped rocks all over the place, so I finally started keeping them. I think it's kinda funny that I can find these when I think most of ya'll know my frustration at never being able to spot 4-leaf clovers, arrowheads or anything of that nature. Maybe it's a sign to me. If only my heart were as hard as these stones, my life might be easier. Maybe it wouldn't be easily upset.
My brother and sister called after Mama blabbed about what happened and wanted to know what is going on. I don't say much to them because I feel it is kinda pointless. The older I get, the less I feel I have in common with them and the more our lives become different. They both have families with children and live very active consumer-type lifestyles. I'm always afraid I'm going to offend them with my joking around and any talk of what I do is just boring to them. They do not like what I do for a living and have even suggested that I do not reveal that info in order to meet a suitable man. Of course, I'm not going to mislead anyone about myself. I mean, when do you stop? I'm proud of who I am.

I did go back to work on Friday and that was OK. They had gotten another welder with the company to come do some of my job so that will give me an easier time next week. All my welding should now be on the ground and not up in the structure of the building. A funny thing happened Friday also. They had one of our backhoe operators come out and do some digging for us and we were chatting at the end of the day, before we got tools up. Out of the blue he just mentioned something about "that man from the railroad you were so crazy about" and we laughed and joked about that for a minute. The Switchman had actually crossed my mind earlier because this other welder drives a truck just like his and I kinda laughed when I saw it sitting by the connex.



countrypeapie said...

If you only knew how big my eyes just got when you said that your family thinks you shouldn't tell people what you do. WTF? I am impressed as hell with what you do.

Man stuff is hard. But as far as stories go, I have to admit I'm still partial to the Switchman. :)

amy said...

Okay-I am sorry my comments are always so long, I am an English teacher and we tend to be verbose! Something I learned from being married to a very nice, but very wrong person for 9 years is that you have to be who you are...always, there is no reason for you to hide what you do, you should be pretty flippin' proud of all the cool things you build and make, and the right person will appreciate that. I understand family pressure though, I am the youngest of ten in a very tight family and sometimes it is almost overwhelming the pressure family can put on you, even when they think they are just being helpful. Hang in, if I believed in reincarnation I would say the pattern you are in is working through something from a previous life, but maybe it is just this life's lesson. By the way, I found a heart shaped rock the first time Josh and I went "creek stomping" very early in our relationship. I always take them as good signs (better than four leaf clovers even-though I have a sister who finds those infuriatingly often) and while I have only found two (both while I was with Josh) I keep all of them. Good luck with everything and I hope you are feeling 100% soon!

Sissy T. said...

Happy to hear from you again, Annie. I think as long as we live, someone will disagree with what we do. That's life! Pay no attention and do your stuff; as long as you are content is all that matters. I too get flak constantly from one or another. A person does what they gotta do. Keep on truckin, girl! You're doing well. And keep your dreams alive; they sometimes become reality.

The Scavenger said...

Just glad to hear that you are feeling better. And I have a feeling that your heart could never be as hard as stone, even when you want it too. You seem just too warm inside for that to happen. Just my thoughts. Take care.


Floridacracker said...

Hey, you impress the hell out of the rest of us!

I can't imagine being a single guy and not finding a pretty, artistic, nontraditional job woman uninteresting.
It's a no brainer, and just adds to your mystique!

Sorry I missed the health posts, but it seems as if your news is good or, at least not bad?

Frustrating when you eat right, exercise (work hard), stay lean and then you still get heart scares isn't it?

Your fans are out here rooting for you girl.

The Country Experience said...

I agree, I don't understand why it would be a good thing to pretend to be something you're not in order to date someone. That kind of sentiment is why people hide their "bad" stuff until after they are married and then spring it on the other person. (Example: not telling someone that they aren't going to be your 4th wife, letting them think they are wife #2 until wife #whatever spills the beans to them after the wedding.) Who wants to waste their time on pretenders? And who wants to be a pretender and feel like they aren't acceptable as they are? Pfffth.

You are great just the way you are, Annie.

It sounds like you have done everything you can to help The 12-yr Man. At some point he is the one who has to work it out himself and you have given him the resources to do that. Just because you can't be beside him the entire way doesn't make you any less of a help. Give yourself the acceptance you give others!

Island Rider said...

You should be very proud of who you are. You are funny, creative, caring and hard working. I know life gets lonely, but just keep being yourself and one day, you will find the right guy right there in front of you. Just like your heart shaped stones. I know it is hard to open up and be vulnerable and then, have someone reject you. Just think about what the man from 12 years ago has gone through with his wife dying. I am sure it scared the s**t out of him to think he might loose you too. So, right now, it was easier for him to walk away than loose someone else. Be patient, keep your heart open. Love will come.

Woody said...

Hell rock!

karl said...

it is clear that life is speaking to you in mysterious ways. i hope you figure out what it is saying. my only advice is don't listen to anyone that lives life in a way that you don't respect.

we collect heart shaped rocks too. they are everywhere!!!


Pablo said...

Geez, you're not supposed to tell a man what you do cuz it might deter him? What kind of men does your sister know?

I find I have less in common with my siblings, and if it weren't for the 11 nephews and one niece, I'd probably have no contact with them.

The blogger at Farmgirl Fare also collects heart shaped rocks.

edifice rex said...

Hey Guys! I really appreciate your great comments; will try to respond soon!

edifice rex said...

Hey Pea! thanks! lol!
I have to admit, I'm still partial to the Switchman also. heehee.

Hey Amy! that's Ok; I enjoy your comments! I am proud of what I do and I just tell my family, sorry, I'm me and I don't care.
I think there is a definate reason for the way things have gone lately. Not sure I'll ever know exactly what but I have to believe all will work out for the good even thugh some things are sad. i take the rocks as a good sign too; don't know for what but something will turn up!

Hey Sissy! thanks so much. I'm hanging in!

Hey Chris! Well, I appreciate those thoughts very much abnd thanks.

Hey FC! thanks, man! I didn't really think I had 'mystique'! lol!
I'm doing OK, my ol' ticker just likes to be a butt sometimes.

Hey CE! Thanks a lot; good advice. Yeah, I know it is up to The Man to work things out, and I believe he will eventually. I just hate to see anyone in such a painful state.

Hey IR! I am proud but still think I could be more caring and all, you know. I just want to see the man healthy again, whether or not he is with me or not. Things will work out for me eventually one way or another.

Hey Woody!'re sweet to say so.

Hey karl! Yeah, it's speaking in mysterious ways all right! I wish it would just spit it out and not try to be so damn esoteric though! lol!

Hey Pablo! Well, it was more my brother that said that than my sister. But still...what the hell? And how would I even hide that?