Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Until Further Notice

I really appreciate all of you who have read this blog and endured all of my craziness and bizarre stories. I also greatly appreciate all of your wonderful and kind comments and encouragement. I'm trying to make a concerted effort not to make this sound like a whinefest and explain things in a rational manner, so to that end, I am leaning heavily towards just shutting my blog down. All the old info will be left up but I don't know that I will add anything new.
As I read the description on the sidebar, I realize that this blog is not about anything even remotely like what I'm spouting it is. In fact, I'm sick of this house and about everything else, including myself. I planted this garden and all the while wondered what the hell am I doing this for. I'll never eat most of it and sure am not going to invest the energy to put anything up. I'll give away most of the food it produces, so it won't be wasted, but really, I don't know why I went to the trouble. I don't eat much anymore and don't feel like going to the effort of cooking for just me. I think that is the main thing: all of this is not worth the effort for the sole benefit of myself. And yeah, I know, an independent woman like myself shouldn't put such emphasis on being part of a pair. However, it's not that so much as I have the firm belief that we are here to help and benefit each other, not to just serve ourselves. And I should be able to do something, even if I can't have a family of my own. But it just seems despite my best efforts, my building this house and attempting this particular life (and documenting it here) is of no benefit to anyone, not even myself. Well, it benefits me in that I have a dry place to sleep but other than that, what the hell?
This all sounds pretty crappy and like I'm being a butt I know, but I'm just being honest. There's no point in this. I am, however, not wallowing in self pity and just planning on laying down. I've got a long list of things I'm going to try to bring some meaning to all this. I've printed off some applications for things, located some sources for volunteering my time. Maybe join an appropriate organization or two. I don't know exactly what I'm looking for but I know something's got to change. Am I feeling pretty down? Yeah, I am and know that is a lot of this but I know also that I have felt bad with my heart again this week and I'm getting more tired at work sometimes. I don't know, there just has to be more to it than this. I've just got to figure out what it is for me.
Thanks again for reading.


Ron said...

Hey, Annie, I've really backed off of the blogging circuit as well, coming back to it finally on my own terms. I sure do understand. (I think I do anyway.)

I can tell you this - I've enjoyed the stories you've shared, and I've enjoyed getting to "know" you for the past couple of years. People who are determined to forge their way forward in this messed up world are bound to feel alone at one point or another.

You have every right in the world to feel crappy. I wish you peace and happiness. If you feel like writing tomorrow, no explanation needed - just do as you feel.


AD said...

awwww.... don't go

The Scavenger said...

Annie, I second everything Ron just said. Take some time and find what you're looking for, we'll be here you come back. And we do hope you find it and get back soon. lol Really, peace is found within and know where else. Took me a lot of years to understand that one.


Anonymous said...

Hey my friend, I'm sorry you are so down! Blog when you feel like it, not because others expect, true friends will keep checking:)

Annie, think about a visit to the Dr please? Depression can hit anyone any time girl. I am glad you are looking at other avenues, volunteering etc, it helps to keep busy when things are gnawing at us.

I've loved your posts, there was always something interesting, thought provoking or humerous to be found!

If you aren't eating much make sure you have a good multi-vitamin on hand woman, keep yourself healthy!


karl said...

may your sabbatical be brief. as ron said blogging on your own terms might be a solution--delete that paragraph description. i do know that friends have helped me through several dark periods in my life. this venue albeit weird and not without it's short comings can afford friendship.
i consider you as a friend and hope that you keep writing since that is our common thread. i never judge your posts whether they stick to your mission statement or not. to me, it is a window into annie's life.

btw who sang "until further notice"? smirk...

once again, may your sabbatical be brief.


Ed Abbey said...

I wish you well and hope that you find what you are looking for.

I will still keep you linked in my sidebar in the hopes that someday you come back on your own terms.

Take care Annie!

Maya said...

I completely understand being in a funk and I will be very sad to see you go if you decide not to post anymore. I've always found your posts entertaining and have also tucked away some of your fabulous ideas and methods on various projects. To be sure life can be very isolating at times, but know that you do have people out there who look forward to your updates, stories and the minutiae of every day life (even if it doesn't fit within the parameters of your sidebar description).

I'll keep checking back, but take a break and treat yourself well!

Richard said...

Hi Annie,

Just take some time off and get yourself together. We will all be here when you come back.

Just find yourself a quiet place and have a long talk with God. Don't be afraid to ask for His help and He will help you. Sometimes it's just best to have these quiet times.



Elizabeth said...

Ditto on what everyone else has already said. Take care and we will catch you later hopefully.

Sissy T. said...

Do what you have to do, Annie and blessings from all of us who have tremendously enjoyed your blog. I will keep it listed as my very favorite one and hope to see you before too long. Please don't burn your bridges rashly for many out here love you, your mind, your talents and most of all your courage. You are certainly making an impressive mark in this old world, whether you realize it or not. Thank you for being. Peace be with you.


Island Rider said...

You've had some great advice, so I won't say much other than you will be missed and I hope you will be back soon. Recently you have suffered some great losses, so it is important to take some time to rest and reflect upon not only what you want this blog to be, but where you want your life to head. I will be praying for you, and look forward to more of your writing in the future.

The Country Experience said...

What they said, basically. Take care of yourself, first and foremost. It is not uncommon for people to feel out of sorts when they are having health issues and may have to make adjustments because of it.

It sounds like you are taking action to find something that makes you happy. We're here to listen if you want to talk.


edifice rex said...

Thanks for all your comments and emails. I'll respond soon. Late getting in tonight due to class this afternoon.

countrypeapie said...

Hey Annie ~ Well, yours is still one of my favorite blogs. If we decide to stew the chickens that ate all my roses, we will definitely invite you and your vegetables. Also, if you would like to join the Babysit Meg and Lee's Kids organization, membership is totally free of charge. ;) Seriously, though, we are not far away and would love to stay up too late staring at the fire with you sometime.

Woody said... what you fell you must knowing that I've always enjoyed reading whatever you write. Missions change.


MyamuhNative said...

Annie, I admire everything you have done with your house and your lifestyle. I have also learned much from your posts so at least in my opinion, your blog is very educational and worthwhile.
If you need a break from blogging that's ok too.But I'll still be checking in and hoping to find you still here and doing well.
Hang in there and if you need a live person to talk to on the phone, you can call me anytime :)

Pablo said...

Well, I for one hope you find a way to recharge your batteries soon. I love your blog and I would miss it if it went away.

Don't let blogging become a chore for you. Make posts when you feel like it about whatever you feel like. Don't feel any obligation. Make it a celebration. And remember that your readers are ust part of your community.

Floridacracker said...

Dammit. I knew from the title it was going to be this.

All of the advice your other readers said is pretty much what I would say too.
I think you do make a difference by blogging, but it should not be a chore or feel meaningless, so do what you feel you must.

Just know that people who have never met you care about ya, and will miss your unique style and life story.

I so hope things improve for you. Sounds like you are taking steps to make things happen and that is a great thing.
Take care Annie.

edifice rex said...

Hey Ron! I'm glad to hear that you have enjoyed what all I've written. I do consider you and your family to be friends. I'm not really having issues with the blogging experience, it's my real life experiences that I'm unsure how to deal with.

Hey AD! Well, I think I'll be back at some point. Thanks for your sentiment though.

Hey Chris! You're right about that. I think I'll come around after awhile.

Hey Molly! Thanks for your concern and thoughts. I am trying to take care of myself and get sorted out. I'm eating OK.

Hey karl! Thanks man. I consider you all friends also and love to see your little children and all they are up to. I think deleting that side description is probably a good idea. Not that I'm still not trying to do those things but maybe a new perspective would help. I believe I'll be back and am very flattered that you have enjoyed my blog.

Hey Ed! Thanks a bunch and I will be back after awhile.

Hey Maya! Thanks for all your encouragement. I'll be back after I get my head on straight.

Hey Richard! Thanks again for your email also and yeah, it's good to have some quiet times.

Hey Elizabeth! thanks and you will, after a while.

Hey Carolyn! Thank you so much for all your words. That makes me feel good.

Hey IR! thanks so much and I appreciate any prayers.

Hey CE! Well, I think my heart problems are a big part of this; I've read that can affect you that way. I'll be OK and see ya'll soon.

Hey Pea! I'll definately bring the veggies and anytime ya'll want a fire, I've got plenty of piles around here! In fact, thought about having a bonfire this weekend. But it won't stop raining! lol!

Hey Woody! I'm glad you have enjoyed my psycho ramblings! I'm sure I'll have more in the future.

Hey Mya! Thanks for all your concern and encouragement. Your emails are always a help. (If I had your #, I think I've lost it! eep!)

Hey Pablo! I would miss hearing from all of ya'll if I went away for good; so I'm going to work on those batteries!

Hey FC! I'm sorry, sweetie. I'll miss ya'll too but I'm going to try to get my head straightened out. Thanks so much for your sentiments. Your comments always make me feel better.

Rurality said...

Well you see that I have become a total blog slacker myself, so I can't say much bad about taking a break! I do hope your mood is just due to the recent gloomy weather. I know it seems like it's never going to end, but either it will, or I'll be asking you for help soon with carpentry and welding on the Ark...

Dr Karen thinks that you are tired, and you need to get some rest! To say that documenting your house-building is not a benefit to anyone is not true at all, you know. I think you are inspiring a lot of people, me included.

Rita said...

Know that you are not alone. My daughter has also tried and worked and had some big health issues and yet is not a couple nor a family. She has wanted a family of her own since she was in the second grade. She too is beside herself with her job. It all feels like a train wreck to her. One bit at a time she is working her way toward something better. Many prayers for you. Let us know if we can be of help in some way.

Meadowlark said...

I wish I wouldn't have found you just today. And now you might leave. That makes me sad.

Hope things turn around and you continue to speak to the world.


edifice rex said...

Hey Karen! thanks and yes, you are right. I am very tired and need a very long rest.

Hey Rita! thanks for your encouragement. Things will get better.

Hey Meadowlark! Well, I'm glad you found me and I don't think I'll be gone for good but I need to take a break. Thanks and I think things will turn around eventually.

Rita said...

Please tell us more about your heart condition sometime. Maybe different ones have ideas to help you. I have really enjoyed reading about your life and pictures. If you get a chance once in a while just let us know how you are doing. We will be thinking of you.

edifice rex said...

Hey Rita! thanks so much for your comments and concern. I'll post again soon; I've meant to before now but stuff just keeps coming up. Working late and people calling etc.

Tossing Pebbles in the Stream said...

You are depressed. It will pass. Occasionally I visit that place where life seems to have no meaning and focus.

From the long list of comments you seem to have touched the lives of a group of people who have come to care about you and your interesting life. Yes INTERESTING! I suspect you would like to find a way to share it with others in real time.

edifice rex said...

Hey Philip! Yes, you're right; I am depressed but I will get over it. It comes and goes with me also.