I actually had a little trouble deciding on the song title for this post as there are a number of good ones I could have used. I'll quote Jim Stafford at least by saying "I don't like spiders and snakes" either but I have gotten used to this type because I've convinced myself that they eat all kinds of nasty other bugs and would not bite me, so are 'nice guys'. And I'm sure they do, although they eat basically anything that gets in their web, 'good bugs' included. This one was resting comfortably on the side of the house yesterday. Well, he's been there for some time and it has been their custom every year to have at least one make their home on the side of my home. I did have to move him slightly, as he was in the way of my digging out the foundation but he took it all in good stride and just climbed higher up the wall. I wonder is he the offspring of the giant one that lived on the west end of the house all last year? And yes, I know it's very possibly a 'she' but I'm going to call it 'he'.
Anyway, did any of you happen to catch NPR yesterday morning when they had the guy from Animal Planet on? I'm not sure what segment it was; could have been "Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me", I'm not sure. So, anyway, it was the funniest thing I've heard in some time. This guy is a vet who, in his younger days, was a bodyguard/roadie for The Stones and The Grateful Dead. So, he later becomes a vet for larger animals and now has a show on AP. Some of you may know who I'm talking about; I don't get that many cable channels so I don't know him. So, he's talking about some of the crazier things that have happened to him in real life and he was relating how that pets go in fads, unfortunately, and that right now, spiders are the big fad. Big spiders. Really, really big spiders. Now, he's creeped out by the things and doesn't like to deal with them. "Bugs shouldn't have hair or saliva", he says, "it's just not right". I agree and yes, we know they're not 'bugs' but they're not mammals so they're bugs for our purposes. But yeah, what kind of mouth must a bug have to be able to hock a luggie! That's not right!
So, this guy brings one of these large spiders to him in a plastic shoe box. It fills the box up. Now, he doesn't want to take the spider out so he trying to stall. He asks the guy what is wrong with the spider. "Well, I don't know; he's just not himself"..... Now, at this point I'm laughing my ass off. How do you know if a spider is 'just not himself'? He didn't get up and have coffee this morning?
"Well, what do you mean, 'not himself'?"
"He hasn't been eating and one of his legs fell off". His leg fell off. Well, that's a good indication of something being wrong. And that's just what the vet said. So, he's wanting to get rid of the spider (and the guy) so he suggests that a professor over at the university might be a better source to go to and sends him off. About an hour later this professor calls the vet. "Did you send this guy over here with the giant spider?" he asked, kinda harshly.
"Did you tell the guy that the spider's leg falling off was a good indication of sickness?"
"Well, if you had taken the time to examine the spider, you would have seen that it was indeed dead!"
You can probably find a link on their website and hear this for yourself but I was laughing so hard I was crying. Good thing I had reached my driveway and pulled in. But what I'm wondering is, if you know your spider well enough to think, "he's just not himself", don't you think you'd notice too that he was dead!