Sunday, August 23, 2009

Boris The Spider

I actually had a little trouble deciding on the song title for this post as there are a number of good ones I could have used. I'll quote Jim Stafford at least by saying "I don't like spiders and snakes" either but I have gotten used to this type because I've convinced myself that they eat all kinds of nasty other bugs and would not bite me, so are 'nice guys'. And I'm sure they do, although they eat basically anything that gets in their web, 'good bugs' included. This one was resting comfortably on the side of the house yesterday. Well, he's been there for some time and it has been their custom every year to have at least one make their home on the side of my home. I did have to move him slightly, as he was in the way of my digging out the foundation but he took it all in good stride and just climbed higher up the wall. I wonder is he the offspring of the giant one that lived on the west end of the house all last year? And yes, I know it's very possibly a 'she' but I'm going to call it 'he'.
Anyway, did any of you happen to catch NPR yesterday morning when they had the guy from Animal Planet on? I'm not sure what segment it was; could have been "Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me", I'm not sure. So, anyway, it was the funniest thing I've heard in some time. This guy is a vet who, in his younger days, was a bodyguard/roadie for The Stones and The Grateful Dead. So, he later becomes a vet for larger animals and now has a show on AP. Some of you may know who I'm talking about; I don't get that many cable channels so I don't know him. So, he's talking about some of the crazier things that have happened to him in real life and he was relating how that pets go in fads, unfortunately, and that right now, spiders are the big fad. Big spiders. Really, really big spiders. Now, he's creeped out by the things and doesn't like to deal with them. "Bugs shouldn't have hair or saliva", he says, "it's just not right". I agree and yes, we know they're not 'bugs' but they're not mammals so they're bugs for our purposes. But yeah, what kind of mouth must a bug have to be able to hock a luggie! That's not right!
So, this guy brings one of these large spiders to him in a plastic shoe box. It fills the box up. Now, he doesn't want to take the spider out so he trying to stall. He asks the guy what is wrong with the spider. "Well, I don't know; he's just not himself"..... Now, at this point I'm laughing my ass off. How do you know if a spider is 'just not himself'? He didn't get up and have coffee this morning?
"Well, what do you mean, 'not himself'?"
"He hasn't been eating and one of his legs fell off". His leg fell off. Well, that's a good indication of something being wrong. And that's just what the vet said. So, he's wanting to get rid of the spider (and the guy) so he suggests that a professor over at the university might be a better source to go to and sends him off. About an hour later this professor calls the vet. "Did you send this guy over here with the giant spider?" he asked, kinda harshly.
"Well, yeah."
"Did you tell the guy that the spider's leg falling off was a good indication of sickness?"
"Well, yeah..."
"Well, if you had taken the time to examine the spider, you would have seen that it was indeed dead!"
You can probably find a link on their website and hear this for yourself but I was laughing so hard I was crying. Good thing I had reached my driveway and pulled in. But what I'm wondering is, if you know your spider well enough to think, "he's just not himself", don't you think you'd notice too that he was dead!


*The Who

10 comments:

Gin said...

In my book, a dead spider is a good spider. Now snakes, that's another matter. BTW, glad you got to "meet" Page. Great gal!

Island Rider said...

Too funny. I'll have to try and find it. My son who is a big guy is not afraid of anything, except, spiders. While he was in Brazil last week, a tarantula started climbing down the wall of the church they were working in during the church service. I asked him what he did about it. He said, he got as close to the door as he could get so he could run if it jumped off the wall into the congregation!

Floridacracker said...

Yup, it's more Natasha than Boris, but who cares?

Spiders creep me out more than anything in the critterworld.

myamuhnative said...

Spiders and Roaches-YUCK!!
When I moved out of the city to the rural area I now live in, I spent my first night sleeping on the living room floor cuz the furniture was not there yet.Woke up in the middle of the night to see a huge flat spider run across my sleeping bag.It took all my might not to just pack up and leave!!That thing was huge and FAST.
I learned to accept the coral snakes and the scorpions but spiders will never be my friends.

edifice rex said...

Hey Gin! Yeah, I'm very glad to 'know' Page too!

Hey IR! hey, I know LOTS of guys that will squeal like a girl if a spider gets on them!

Hey FC! I knew you would know about it being female; that's why I put that in there! ;)
They creep me out mightily too.

Hey Mya! I would have broken my neck trying to get out of that sleeping bag! We actually have scorpions here too and I do not like them either; maybe more than spiders!

Anonymous said...

I have pictures of this writing spider which spent the summer between two large plants on my deck. It was much larger than the one here and made the most intricate zigzag patterns within its web- simply amazing. I enjoyed watching it every day but alas, I couldn't allow it to come with the plants that fall. Good post Annie. I let a spiders live inside as they take care of flies and other pests that get in. Very helpful they are to me.

Ed Abbey said...

I listened to the last half of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me and there was a guy on there telling about how he got a 300+ pound snake from underneath a house by using a nine year old boy. I'm guessing that it was the same guy.

edifice rex said...

Hey Anon (or Sis?) yeah, this one wasn't real big but that's ok!

Hey Ed! oh god, I heard that one too and it was hysterical! but no, that was a different guy.
And they told that boy, when the snake bites the towel you scream... like they would need to tell him?!!! lol!!

Beau said...

That's pretty funny... I've seen two spiders just like yours this week. They're, um... big aren't they!? That time of year too, and not a fad I'll follow!

edifice rex said...

Hey Beau! Yeah, they are big; they give me the willies but I know they eat horseflies and stuff and anything that will eat a horsefly is a friend of mine!